There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk – the ghost which lived there was feared by all.

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost I mean no harm – I just want your photograph. The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines – he posed for a number of ghostly shots.

The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

So whats the moral of the story?

The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

Baxter Conners
Vice President
Company 203
203 Wall St.
New York, NY 10015

Dear Mr. Conners,

Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your bank.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Company 203s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX

THINGS YOULL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER BOSS

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing.

2. If its really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how its going. That greatly aids my efficiency.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where youre going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadnt been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, We cant ship your new order until you pay for the last one.

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, Please cancel the order. We cant wait that long.

THINGS YOULL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER BOSS

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could get me a promotion.

8. If you dont like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, dont write them down. If fact, save them until the job is almost done.

How careers end…

Holy people are disgraced.

Pastry chefs are deserted.

Perfume makers are dissented.

Butterfly collectors are debugged.

What happens when people of different occupations get old.

– Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.

– Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.

– Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.

– Old cashiers never die, they just check out.

What happens when people of different occupations get old.

– Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.

– Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.

– Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

– Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.

What happens when people of different occupations get old.

– Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

– Old garagemen never die, they just retire.

– Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.

– Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.