You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how
close you came to getting hit.
If you dont hear it you got hit, so never mind.

The other night during dinner my brother told a joke and I laughed so
hard that milk shot out my nose. The creepy part is that I wasnt
drinking milk.

– Dave George

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

The devil finds work for idle glands.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Dont believe in superstition — it brings bad luck.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Those who cant write, write manuals.

If God had intended for us to run around naked,
he would have made our skin fit better.

-Maureen Murphy