It was all so different before everything changed.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

Contrary to popular belief Tattoos are not permanent.

They usually rot away a few days after you die.

Where theres a will… I want to be on it.

I may be 25, but I have the intelligence of a 27-year old.

If cars had followed the same developmental path as computers,
a Rolls Royce would cost $100, get a million miles per gallon,
and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No,
wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be
right there.

Money is the root of all evil,
and a man needs roots.

Ive learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick
you when youre down will be the ones who do.

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the presidents birthday, like
they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting
for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.