Two muffins are in a toaster oven, first muffin says: Boy, its hot in here second muffin says, I dont believe it, a talking muffin!

Dont force it, get a larger hammer.

Id give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

If you think the problem is bad now. . .

just wait until weve solved it.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I thought learning to play the bagpipes was hard, until I realized I was
just strangling an ostrich.

– Craig Stacey

Dont think of it as thousands of dollars of your hard-earned
money. Think of it as a screwdriver for the military.

If shes still ugly, have another beer.

Old accountants never die – they just lose their balance.

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com