Sharing is fun, unless its your own stuff.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case Heaven is like the IRS.

If you die on an elevator, be sure to press the UP button.

If all the worlds a stage,

I want more props!

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Ya gotta feel sorry for all them convicts in New Hampshire, stampin
out license plates that say Live free or Die.

Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

I know what Victorias Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than
30 can fit into their stuff.

Rich or poor its good to have money.

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.