The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,
but when you get over there you find out it has to be mowed.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to
myself, Where the heck is the ceiling?!

Necessity is a mother.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

The square root of 5 is 2 for small values of 5.

Few women admit their age. Few men act it!

Ive learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

Friends dont let friends drive naked.

Yo mamma is so big. The people that live near her put up signs Free Whale Watching!

Be nice to your kids. Theyll choose your nursing home.