You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.

"This wont hurt, I promise."

People look at you kind of funny when you walk down
the street naked with a gun.

Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!

This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!

Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day.

They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands.

This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.

Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper

I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance

It worked well for Reagan, didnt it?

Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!

I was working smarter-not harder.

Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.

Im in the management training program.

Someone mustve put decaf in the wrong pot.

Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just wont wear off!

Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!

Its okay… Im still billing the client.

And the #1 response if found asleep at your desk:
…and I especially thank you for my excellent boss, Amen!

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl
Scout cookies made out of?

Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants but none of the offspring
survived.

–MAD magazine, circa 1960

Where theres a will, I want to be in it!

The new IRS motto: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got.

Confusius say: Man who board plane sideways going to Bangkok.

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?