A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked the farmer, Didnt you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?

The farmer replied, No, I didnt knowed that.

The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, To Memphis. The cop said, I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis.

So the farmer promised he would.

Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again.

The cop said I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis and to this the farmer replied I did and we had so much fun, Im taking him to the circus.

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window… Pull over!

No, she shouts back, a pair of socks!

How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but hes never around when you need it done.

The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers

1. Glazed
2. Jelly
3. Powdered
4. Chocolate Frosted

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. Theyve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator, she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake.

A policeman arrested a prostitute, and the following conversation occurred.

Girl: Im not selling sex!

Officer: Then what are you doing?

Girl: Im selling condoms and offering a free demonstration!

There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.

YOURE DRUNK! exclaimed the police officer.

Thank God for that! said the drunk, I thought the steering had gone.

A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.

One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.

One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears–a male and a female.

The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer. All the while, he was plagued by visions of lawsuit from his friends family. He just had to save his friend.

Luckily, the bears were still there. Hes in THAT one! cried the lawyer, pointing to the male.

The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female.

What did you do that for?! exclaimed the lawyer, I said he was in the other bear!

Exactly, replied the sheriff. Would you believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

Youll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.

No, no no! said the man. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. Ive been trying to do that for years!

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 113.

They got out and measured their rig, which was 124.

What do you think? one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. Not a cop in sight. Lets take a chance!