At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.

American : In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police.

Russian : In Russia we dont require that you dial anything.

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.

Okay, the sheriff drawled, Gomer, what is 1 and 1?

11 he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, Thats not what I meant, but hes right.

What two days of the weekstart with the letter T?

Today and tomorrow.

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, I dont know.

Well, why dont you go home and work on that one for a while?

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.

It went great! First day on the job and Im already working on a murder case!

A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, Im Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia.

As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, Well… OK… but dont let me catch you speeding again.

The Judge said to the defendant. I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again.

Your Honor, the criminal said, thats what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldnt listen.

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

Exactly where were you at the time of the accident? inquired the officer.

Mister, exclaimed the telephone lineman, I was at the top of the pole!

Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation

9. Every Tuesday he insists its his turn to be the siren.

8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks hed look good in a collar.

7. He wants you to call him Judge Dredd, and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.

6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the good cop, and the other half is the bad cop.

5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.

4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.

3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.

2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.

1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!

One day there was a woman who lost her cat named LOVE. It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.

When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, Im looking for LOVE. The policeman arrested her on the spot.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads low bridge ahead. Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, Got stuck, huh?

The truck driver says, No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.

The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

Ive been waiting for you all day, the cop said.

The guy replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could. When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Police Chief: As a recruit, youll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?

New Recruit: Call for backup!