A first grade teacher in the conservative Midwest is explaining to her class that she is a Republican and how nice it is that a new Republican president has taken office. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Republicans and support George Bush.

Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl. Mary, says the teacher with surprise, why didnt you raise your hand? Because Im not a Republican, says Mary. Well, what are you? asks the teacher. Im a Democrat and proud of it, replies the little girl.

The teacher cannot believe her ears. My goodness, Mary, why are you a Democrat? she asks. Well, my momma and papa are Democrats, so Im a Democrat, too.

Well, says the teacher in an annoyed tone, thats no reason for you to be a Democrat. You dont always have to be like your parents. What if your momma was a criminal and your papa was a criminal, too, what would you be then?

Mary smiled. Then wed be Republicans.

It all starts off one day when Hillary Clinton dies and she goes to heaven.



When she finally gets up there she sees over a million clocks around heaven, so she asks one of the angels why are there so many clocks up here?





The angel says each clock has a name on it and the name of that person is still in earth, when that person lies the clock ticks one second.





So Hillary said OK.





Then she asked if she could check out some famouse peoples clocks, the angel said ok.







So they went around heaven and they saw different peoples clocks, and of course once and a while they would go and turn one full second.





So about 10 minutes later she asks may I see my husbands clock?





The angel says sorry its upstairs with Jesus.





Hillary says why?





The angel replies he was getting pretty hot so he took it with him to use it as a fan.

What does Bill Clinton, Ken Starr, and Monica Lewinsky have in
common?

They blow.

Clinton blows the sax, Starr blows the whistle, and
Monica blows the skin flute.

Did you hear Clinton doesnt use bookmarks?

He just bends over and sticks the pages!

President Clinton said to Monica, I didnt tell you to lie in
deposition… I told you to lie in that position!

Todays headline read: Clinton Probe Expands.

It turned out to be a direct quote attributed to Monica Lewinsky.

Whats the difference between Watergate and Zippergate?

At least this time, theres no doubt about the identity of Deep Throat.

What do you get when you cross a blonde with Bill Clinton?

A prostitute.

Monica was interviewed before joining the White House interns, they asked
her how she held her liquor.

She said, I get him by both ears

Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff?

She didnt know what staff they really meant.