One day George Bush, Bill Clinton and Bob Packwood decide to visit the Wizard of OZ. After a long travel along the yellow brick road they arrive at the Wizards Palace.
When they meet the Wizard he tells them that they may each have one wish fulfilled. The Wizard asks George Bush what he would like, to which George responds I would like to have a heart and a heart is given to him. The Wizard asks Bill Clinton what he would like, to which Bill responds I would like to have a brain and a brain is given to him.
The Wizard then asks Bob Packwood what he would like, to which Bob responds Uhmmmm is Dorothy anywhere around……..

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Zero. He only screws interns.

An Israeli doctor says, Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.

A German doctor says, That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

A Russian doctor says, In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.

The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says, You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for four years, and now half the country is looking for work.

George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week, when he saw
an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white
robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at
the ceiling, and asked, Excuse me sir, arent you Moses?

The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling,
saying nothing.

Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, Excuse me sir,
arent you Moses?

Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a
word.

George W. tried a third time, louder yet, Excuse me sir, arent you
Moses?

Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at
the ceiling.

One of George W.s aides asked him if there was a problem, and George
W. said, Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him
three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet.

To which the man, still staring at the ceiling finally replied to the
aide, I can hear him and yes, I am Moses, but the last time I spoke
to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the wilderness.

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble with the law for underage drinking, the President has lectured them constantly about the evils of alcohol. His daughters were tired of having the same conversation week after week, so they finally said, "Okay daddy, we understand about drinking already, but youve never talked about to us about sex." Getting very upset, W. chided the twins: "Young ladies, we do not use that dirty four-letter word in our home!"

President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground. He stretches and goes to look out the window at the snow-covered White House lawn and sees the words President Clinton sucks written in pee in the snow. Clinton gets all upset and calls White House Security. He tells them he doesnt care what it takes but he wants to know who did this.

The Chief of Security returns in a couple of days to the President and tells him that he has good news, bad news, and real bad news. OK, says Clinton, give me the good news first, then the bad news, and then the real bad news.

The Chief says: The good news is after taking analysis of the pee, we know who the culprit is.

Clinton nods and the Chief continues: The bad news is the culprit is Vice President Gore.

This really upsets the President, but he controls his anger and asks the Chief to tell him the real bad news.

The Chief of Security swallows and says, Its in Hilarys hand writing.

Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation

NEWS FLASH – GOD ANNOUNCES THE 11TH COMMANDMENT!



During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.



They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th.



After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:



Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.

Once Bill Clinton visited a elementary school to talk to a group of 3rd graders. He said to them, Today we are going to discuss the difference between a tragedy, a great loss and an accident. Then he said, Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?

A little boy raises his hand and says, If a kid runs out in the street after a ball and gets hit by a car. Clinton says, No, that would be an accident. Can anyone else try? A little girl raises her hand and says, If a busload of kids drove off a cliff. Clinton says, No, that would be a great loss. Come on, anyone else?



A boy raises his hand and says and says, If you and Mrs. Clinton was on a plane and it blew up. Then Clinton says, Well, Yes, but can you tell me why it would be considered a tragedy? And the little boy says, Well, it wouldnt have been an accident, and it sure as heck wouldnt have been a great loss.