Gore: (G)reatly (O)riented to (R)adical (E)cology

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited on the eve of the millennium to have dinner with God. After a little bit of small talk, God informed them that he would be destroying the earth the next day. Upon returning to earth, they each made announcemnts."I have two piece of bad news," said Boris Yeltsin. "One, God does exist. Two, all of the earth will be destroyed tomorrow.""I have some good news and some bad news," said Bill Clinton. "First, the good — God does exist. And the bad — the earth will be destroyed tomorrow.""I have some great news!" said Bill Gates. "One, Im one of the three most important people on earth. Two, weve got this Y2K thing solved!"

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Because theyre sending their turkey to the White House!

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Newt Gengrich were on their way to meet the wizard of OZ.

When they met Al Gore asked for a brain, Newt asked for a heart, and Bill asked wheres Dorothy?

Q: Why did Bill Clinton give up the saxophone?

A: Because he had a hor-monica.

To all those Freshman note takers out there….heres an example of good
note taking :-)….

How to Take Notes

WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:

Probably the greatest quality
of the poetry of John Milton, who
was born in 1608, is the combination
of beauty and power. Few have
excelled him in the use of the
English language, or for that
matter, in lucidity of verse form,
Paradise Lost being said to be
the greatest single poem ever
written.

YOU WRITE:

John Milton–born 1608

WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:

When Lafayette first came to
this country, he discovered
America. The Americans needed his
help if their cause was to survive,
and this he promptly supplied them.

YOU WRITE:

Lafayette discovered America

WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:

Current historians have come to
doubt the complete advantageousness
of some of Roosevelts policies

YOU WRITE:

Most of the problems that now face
the United States are directly
traceable to the bungling and greed
of President Roosevelt.

WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:

…it is possible that we do
not understand the Russian
viewpoint…

YOU WRITE:

Professor Mitchell is a communist

WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:

The puissance of hydrochloric
acid is incontestable; however,
the corrosive residue is
inharmonious with metallic
persistence.

YOU WRITE:

Hydrochloric acid eats the hell out of steel

dst@psuecl

One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart attack, dies prematurely —
and goes straight to Hell. The Devil greets him, but says I dont know
exactly what to do with you. Of course you are on my list, so you will have
to stay — but you got here a little earlier than I expected and I dont have
your room ready yet.

The Devil thinks for a moment and says, Tell you what I can do. There are a
couple folks here who werent quite as bad as you were. I can let one of them
go so long as you take their place. Ill even let you decide who gets to
leave.

Clinton thought that sounded pretty good, so the Devil opened the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and
surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

No, Bill said. I dont think so. Im not a good swimmer and I dont think
I could be doing that all day long.

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a
sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, over
and over again.

No, Ive got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if
all I could do was break rocks all day, said Bill.

The devil opened a third door. In it, ClintonÊsaw Jesse Jackson, lying on the
floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread
eagle position. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

His eyes widening in disbelief, Clinton grinned as he took in the whole
picture and said, Oh yea, I know can handle this.

The Devil nodded and smiled. OK, Monica, youre free to go!

*** Signs that you just might have a drinking problem. ***



You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Your job is interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?? I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth … now THATS a drinking problem!

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

Every woman you see has an exact twin.

You fall off the floor.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger — forget dinner!

The glass keeps missing your mouth.

Bill Clinton starts to make sense.

Mosquitoes catch a buzz* after biting you.

The whole bar says Hi when you come in.

Hi ocifer. Im not under the affluence of incohol.

You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.

BeerTender! Get me another Bar!

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washingtons ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?

Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did, advised George.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? Clinton asked.

Cut taxes and reduce the size of government, advised Tom.

Clinton didnt sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincolns ghost. Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? Clinton asked.

Go to the theatre.