One day God was hanging out at the Pearly Gates with St. Paul.

I need to find someone to run for president, he said after a while.

Attentive to his boss needs, St. Paul started naming off a few qualified candidates.

Nah, I want that guy, he said pointing to a drunken Texas governor pissing off a balcony.

Youve got to be kidding, said St. Paul, Not only is he dumber than a box of rocks, hes got drinking and drug problems.

I dont care, said God, This is the guy.

Perplexed, St. Paul asked: What is the problem, Lord, art thou angry with the Americans?

No, said God, I made a bet with the Devil that I could get a village idiot to run for president.

But wont that work in the Devils favor, oh Lord? Paul asked.

Thats all right, said God, hell never take Florida.

What should be the official name for Bill & Hillary Clintons New York abode?

There were lots of possibilities, according to the creative audience of The Jayne Carroll Show, a political talk radio program which airs daily in the Portland, Oregon, metropolitan area. Carroll asked her audience to come up with an official name for the Clinton $1.7 million house in Chappaqua, NewYork.

Some names nominated for the Clintons new home included:

• Perjurers Palace
• HillBilly Villa
• The House of Bills Repute
• Drawers Downs
• Cheatem Estates
• Sin Simeon
• The Knee Pad
• The White Trash House
• The Blight House
• The Panderosa Liars Lair
• Bill & Hills Bribe & Breakfast
• The Clinton Compost
• Dogpatch on the Hudson
• The Hen House
• The Out House
• The Love Shack
• The House of Seven Felonies

  But the clear, hands-down winner was…

• DISGRACELAND

Q: Whats the difference between the Waco ATF and Bill Clinton?
A: BIll Clinton burned 260,000,000 people.

Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton with a gorilla?
A: Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible
fight. I am the most beautiful person in the world, proclaimed
Sleeping Beauty.

No, youre not, answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.

I am the smallest person in the world, shouted Tom Thumb.

No, youre not, said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan

Ive had more lovers than any person in the world, announced Don
Juan.

No, you havent replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.

Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a
mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in
the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to
his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a
time.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out
beaming. I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said
so.

In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty.
I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin agrees.

In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a
half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, Who the hell
is Bill Clinton

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?

A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.

What do Bill Clinton and a bubble gum have in common?

Monica has blown them both.

Q. Why did George W Bush want to get to India before lunch?

A. He heard that there was a New Dehli.

One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washingtons ghost in
the White House. Bush asks, George, what is the best thing I could do
to help the country?

Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did, Washington
advises.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark
bedroom. Tom, W asks, what is the best thing I could do to help the
country?

Cut taxes and reduce the size of government, Jefferson advises.

Bush isnt sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure
moving in the shadows. Its Abraham Lincolns ghost. Abe, what is the
best thing I could do to help the country? Bush asks.

Abe answers, Go see a play.

Did you hear that in response to President Bill Clintons habit of dropping in on the local McDonalds, the McDonalds national management has announced a commemorative double cheeseburger, the McClinton?

Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, you never get the fries you were originally promised, and its got half the meat.