Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddams chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.

Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, hes finally had enough, knowing that he cant do much without them functioning well. Im going back home! he tells the Iraqi. Well finish these talks in two weeks!

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clintons chair and prepares himself for the Yanks revenge.

They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

Forget this, says Saddam. Im going back to Baghdad!

Clinton says through tears of laughter, What Baghdad?

One day President Bush was visiting Queen Elizabeth and she decided to take him for a tour of London in the Royal Carriage. The carriage was being pulled by six Royal Stallions and one of them suddenly passed gas. It sounded like a 21-gun salute it was so loud! The smell permeated the inside of the carriage and the Queen was totally devastated.I appoligize profusely for the terrible smell inside the carriage, she said. Oh, thats alright, said the George, for a minute there I thought it was the horse!

Q: Why did the Saddam trade one of his thirteen wives for



a new toilet?



A: The hole was smaller and smelled better.





Q: Whats the difference between Aeroflot and a Scud Missile?



A: Aeroflot has killed more people.





Q: What do you call two Iraqi women walking into a bar?



A: Incoming scuds!





Two Iraqis are chatting. One of them has his wallet out



and is flipping through pictures.



This is my oldest. Hes a martyr.



Heres my second son. Hes a martyr, too.



Theres a pause. The second Iraqi says, wistfully, Ah,



they blow up so fast, dont they?





Top Least-Known Facts About Saddam Hussein



…Shares pain of economic embargo because he can only obtain



gold-plated replacement fixtures for solid gold bathtubs.



…Top scientists have finally unlocked technological secrets



of 8-track tapes and Pez dispensers, but have yet to procure



free HBO.



…Extensive private collection of Barbie dolls has a lot of



missing limbs and strange burn marks.



…Still wonders if Ross and Rachel will get back together.



…Executed thousands over meager 99.99999% share of vote in



recent elections after forgetting to vote for himself.



…Upset that Slobodan hasn’t written for weeks.



…Gave pop quiz to aides after nine hour speech at Disembowel



the Zionist Lackeys of Imperialism Rally; those with low



marks now carefully reviewing notes by candlelight in Baghdad



sewer cages using remaining limbs.



…Pleased that he’s now slightly more popular in Kuwait than



flesh-eating bacteria; hopes to overtake botulism after



lengthy hearts and minds campaign.



…Bolsters the morale of elite troops by doing the moonwalk



for them.



…Still regretting brilliant Park Entire Air Force in Iran



maneuver during Gulf War.



…Excelled in the Iraqi Boy Scouts and still treasures his



Assassination Merit Badge.



…Uses various spellings of his name, such as Sadam, Sadamm,



or Sahdam, to keep ordering ten CD’s for only 1 cent from



his favorite record club.



…Recent rumors of his ill health were repeatedly, vehemently,



and fervently denied by his brand-new personal physician.

Whats the new game theyre playing in the White House?

Swallow the Leader.

Bill Clinton and Al Gore went into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu, the waitress came over and asked Clinton, Are you ready to order, sir?



Clinton replies, Yes, Id like a quickie.



A quickie?! the waitress replies with disgust. Sir, given the current situation of your personal life, I dont believe that’s a good idea. Ill come back later when you are ready to make an order from the MENU.



She walks away.



Gore leans over to Clinton and says, Sir, its pronounced Quiche…

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Nursing home event … Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with candy striper.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Baby conceived naturally…..scientists stumped.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.

New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.

Q: Whats the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt?
A: Yogurt has culture.

Bill and Hillary have provided the special prosecutor with every shred of evidence they have. — Al Gore

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

Many of us have heard the story of the time in 1992 when Clinton went on Mtv and some girl asked him America is _dying_ to know: Is it boxers, or briefs? The candidate then feigned embarrassment and said Boxers.

In 1995, some guy decided to ask Speaker Newt the same question. Newt appropriately answered back That was a stupid question.

This year, someone decided that America must know what citizen Dole wears. Is it boxers, or briefs? With a straight face he answered back, Depends…