A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:Dear God,Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

Isnt putting Bill Clinton in charge of a trust fund as insane as putting in a draft-dodger as Commander in Chief?

A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, Little boy, what are you doing?

The boy replied, I am making George Bush with this manure, Mister.

Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, Why are you making George Bush? Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?

The boy answered, Oh no Mister, I cant make Bill Clinton.

But why not? asked the man.

The boy replied Well, Mister, there isnt enough here to make Bill Clinton.

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddams chair.

They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.

Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, hes finally had enough, knowing that he cant do much without them functioning well. Im going back home! he tells the Iraqi. Well finish these talks in two weeks!

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clintons chair and prepares himself for the Yanks revenge.

They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

Forget this, says Saddam. Im going back to Baghdad!

Clinton says through tears of laughter, What Baghdad?

Thousands of people flock to the annual Burning Man festival in The Black Rock Desert north of Reno, Nevada. At this big hippie festival, people run around naked, drink and do drugs, or as George W. Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for President.

The State of American political rhetoric:

The plan is really a Doctor Kevorkian prescription for the jobs of American working men and women. Rep. Richard Armey, R-Texas, on the Clinton health care proposal.

At a congressional hearing Armey pledged to Hillary Clinton to make the health care debate exciting. Mrs. Clinton replied, Im sure you will do that, you and Doctor Kevorkian.

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until its free. humorist P.J. ORourke.

The people of the 5th district of Georgia did not send me here to sell them out for a mess of pottage (sic) and 30 (sic) pieces of silver. Democratic Rep. John Lewis, saying no to NAFTA.

Understatement of the year: I spun myself out of control. Republican consultant Edward Rollins on his post-election statements about suppressing black voter turnout in the New Jersey governors race.

If were going to prepare them for what goes on in the front seat, we ought to prepare them for goes on in the back seat. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders on drivers education and sex education.

The scariest and the most dangerous part of (Endeavor space shuttle) mission occurs this week, when the astronauts return to Florida and pick up their rental cars. Jay Leno.

You need three things to be a successful pundit: an inexhaustible supply of effrontery, a short memory and the ability to spell the word Armageddon. Canadian journalist Gynne Dyer. If that is so, then we dont have to worry about Dan Quayle becoming a famous columnist.

But then there is Rush Limbaugh. Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and just think to yourself, I am just full of hot gas? David Letterman questioning Rush Limbaugh who was on Lettermans show promoting his best-selling book *I Told You So*.

I was not meant for the job or the spotlight of public life in Washington. Here, ruining people is considered sport. From Vincent Fosters suicide note, White House deputy counsel at the time.

Q: What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5 years?
A: Unite the Republican Party.

From the November Contemporary Comedy

Ive got the Jimmy Carter Flu. Every time you think its gone for good it pops up again.

Carter and Clinton are living proof that it takes two Democrats to screw up as much as one Republican.

Lets face it, health care is dead – and so are the people who dont have it.

Congressmen who werent reelected are leaving office with huge pensions. Thats why we cant take it us – theyre taking it with them.

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majestys Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, s will be used instead of the soft c. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard c will be replaced with k. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ph will be replaced by f. This will make words like fotograf 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent es in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing th by z and W by V. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary o kan be dropd from vords kontaining ou, and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

Knew it was the ONLY way to get people who actually understand Foriegn Policy to help him
His top advisors (Hillary and George Stephanopoulis) thought it was a good idea
He can blame his huge tax increases on the other guys
Hell switch back (again) to his liberal agenda when he scams the election
Business as usual in the Clinton white house – say whatever people want to hear
He thought Dole was pineapples and he likes em
It ends with can
Thought that was the party of immorality so he better join
Someone told him he would get free meals at McDonnalds
And the Number Reason Bill Clinton is a Closet Republican
Its the ONLY way he can win