GENERAL

Any person with a valid state hunting and fishing license may harvest attorneys. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted The use of currency as bait is prohibited. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from all-terrain vehicles, helicopters, or aircraft. It shall be unlawful to shout whiplash, ambulance, or free Perrier for the purpose of trapping attorneys. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred (100) yards of a BMW dealership.

It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, one hundred (100) dollar bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200) yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.

If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it : An attorney which demonstrates clear rogue behavior in public office is exempted from this restriction, unless said attorney occupies the office of President of the United States of America .

Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a State Health Department inspection for AIDS, rabies, or vermin. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of enticing, entrapping, ensnaring, or harvesting attorneys.

BAG LIMITS

Variant Daily/Seasonal Limit

Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2/4
Two-faced Tort Feasor 1/3
Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 4/7
Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only) 3/7
Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2/5
Honest Attorney Extinct (Sadly) Cut-throat 2/6
Weaseling Whiner 2/6
Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2/6
Silver-tongued Drug Defender $500 Bounty/No Limit
Ruby-slippered Civil Libertarian 7/22
Rogue Politico Open Season/No Limit

WASHINGTON D.C. – Following an emergency meeting Wednesday morning, Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America.

The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the states voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election.

This is the last straw, said Utah senator Orin Hatch. First Elian Gonzales, now this.

Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming.

Were all pretty much sick of Florida, said representative Barney Frank. Theyve been a constant embarrassment for too long now. Added Frank, They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh thats right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot.

In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Floridas sizable elderly population will free up billions of dollars in social security funds. These are valuable funds which can now be redirected toward national defense. We can finally rebuild our demoralized, weakened military, said the Senator to roaring applause.

As a result of the Florida screw-up, the House and Senate decreed a new election will take place in early December. This time, ballots in each state will be tabulated by robots. It is clear that our human vote-counting system is too inherently flawed, said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. The presence of these new, superior robot mast- err, I mean – tabulators will ensure 100% accuracy.

Remember, said Hastert, every vote counts, especially if its counted by robots.

Dynamiting will begin along the Florida border next Wednesday, after which the state will be completely geographically separated from the United States.

After that, theyre on their own, said Hastert. I hope they sink.

Bill Clinton was out jogging one morning when he came across a prostitute at an intersection. He asked her what she would charge for an evening.

She replyed that she charges $150 dollars. Bill then asked if she would spend the evening for $10.

She said no and Bill jogged away.

The next day Bill was out jogging with Hillary. The prostitute was back at the same intersection.

As Bill and Hillary passed the intersection the prostitute called out Well thats what you get for $10.

A farmer was out working in his field one day when a carload of
democrats came flying by. They were going too fast for the curve and
turned over in the ditch. Later the sheriff stopped by and asked the
farmer if he has seen the car. Yep replied the farmer. Where are
they? asked the sheriff. Over there, replied the farmer pointing to
the ditch filled with fresh dirt. You buried them? asked the
sherrif, Were they still alive? Replied the farmer, They said they
were, but you know how those people lie.

Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely?
A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes President!

How did Bill reply regarding questions of coaching Monicas testimony?

It wasnt words that I put in her mouth.

Seems Ms. Lewinski went to her favorite cleaners the other day. She
said to the owner, I have another dress for you to clean.

Being hard of hearing, he replied, Come again?

No, Lewinsky said, Mustard!

A public servant, on his way home from work in Canberra traffic came to a dead halt and thought to himself, This is unusual. He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, Officer, whats the hold-up? The officer replied, The Prime Minister is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire.He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that reduced funding will improve the Higher Education and Health sectors, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends.So were taking up a collection for him. The public servant asks, How much have you got so far? The officer replies, About 200 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning.

Q: Why do they always fly around a live turkey in a cage on Air Force 1?
A: For spare parts.

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and former Secretary of Defense William Perry wanted to go to Oz, to visit the Wizard of Oz. Bill looked at Al and asked him why he wanted to go. Al said that he needed a brain, and Bill agreed with him.

Then, Bill asked the former Secretary of Defense why he wanted to go, and he said that he needed a heart. Bill also agreed with him. Then both looked at Bill and asked him why he was going.

He answered, Im looking for Dorothy!