The Clinton Health Plan has the:

1. Simplicity of the IRS.

2. Results of rent control.

3. Efficiency of the Post Office.

4. The fringe benefits of higher taxes

5. Management success of national debt.

6. Bureaucracy of the Dept. of Agriculture.

7. Dependency of a weather forecaster.

OPTIMIST, n.

a doctor who advises a mother of five active youngsters to relax
a guy who thinks the woman in the phone booth will be out in a moment when he hears her saying good-bye
the guy who believes that the E on the cars gas gauge means enough
the person who is hired to write the text of a companys prospectus
an individual who always proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds (a pessimist fears this is true)
a citizen who votes for a congressman because he promised to lower taxes by eliminating government waste
a person who waits for his ship to come in even if he has never launched one
a person who realizes each morning that someday this will be one of the good old days
the woman who really believes that the man she is about to marry is better than the one she just divorced
a philosopher (with the news these days) who realizes that it takes a great deal of optimism to be a pessimist
a person who goes on a fishing trip with a camera and a frying pan
a ninety-year old newlywed who buys a home near a school
a guy who watches the eight, ten, and eleven oclock news hoping things will get better
a man who spends his last dollar on a new wallet

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?

A: Chelsea.

Thousands of people flock to the annual Burning Man festival in The Black Rock Desert north of Reno, Nevada.
 

 
At this big hippie festival, people run around naked, drink and do drugs, or as George W. Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for President.

Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

Democrats seem to think they have a monopoly on protest.

George Bush has started an ill-timed and disastrous war under false pretenses by lying to the American people and to the Congress; he has run a budget surplus into a severe deficit; he has consistently and unconscionably favored the wealthy and corporations over the rights and needs of the population; he has destroyed trust and confidence in (and good will toward) the United States around the globe; he has ignored global warming, to the worlds detriment; he has wantonly broken our treaty obligations; he has condoned torture of prisoners; he has attempted to create a theocracy in the United States; he has appointed incompetent cronies to positions of vital national importance; and he has blatantly made millions of dollars personally from spiked gas prices.

Now, would someone please give him some head so we can have a legal reason to impeach him?

After Bill Clinton Dies he goes directly to Hell. Upon arriving he is met by Satan, who informs him that Hell is currently full but since he REALLY deserves to be there, they will make special arrangements by letting someone else leave to make room for Bill. And, as a special favor, he will be given a choice of people to replace. Satan then leads Bill to a room with three doors.

The first door opens. Behind the door is Newt Gingrich. Hes being worked over with a blowtorch. Upon seeing Newt in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says, That looks painful. I dont think this is for me.



The second door opens. Behind door #2 is Ted Kennedy. His skin is being stripped off with a pair of pliers. Grimacing at the bloody scene, Clinton again says, I dont think this is for me.



The third door opens and behind it is Ken Starr. He is naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. I can handle that! Clinton proclaims enthusiastically.



Very well, says Satan. Monica, youve been pardoned – you may go now.

When Bills Congress passes a law, its a joke…but when Hillary tells a joke, it the law.

From David Letterman and the Late Show…



Top Ten Signs Bill Clinton Doesnt Give A Damn



10. Called Russia asking if they need a new spy

9. When people whisper, Your fly is open, he says, Yeah, I know

8. Shoplifts at will, gives finger to security camera

7. If you asked what he had for breakfast and he actually had waffles, hell say pancakes just for the fun of lying

6. Hes no longer just fat — hes now Hugh Rodham fat

5. Tubby is selling a copy of the Declaration of Indepence on eBay

4. Doesnt even bother to buy high-quality cigars anymore

3. Recently introduced Playboy playmate as my lovely wife

2. Refers to Chappaqua mansion as the house that dirty pardon money built

1. Sits in the back of Al Gores journalism class screaming, Loser!