What do the Green Bay Packers and Monica have in common???

They both blew the big one.

Three AM comes around and Hillary tries to wake up Bill.

Bill mumbles What?

Hillary gives him another shake.

Im sleeping. says Bill, and he falls back asleep.

Finally Hillary pushes him out of bed. Bill gets up off the floor and says
OK, Im up. What do you want?

I have to go to the bathroom. says Hillary

You mean you woke me up at three in the morning just to tell me you had to go
to the bathroom!

No, says Hillary, I want you to save my spot

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor asked his patient how he thought George W. Bush was doing as President.The old man said, "Ya know, Bush is a post turtle." Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a "post turtle" was.He said, "Did you ever drive down a country road and come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top? You know he didnt get there by himself, he doesnt belong there, he cant get anything done while hes up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down. Thats a post turtle."

Did you hear that the lab finally determined
what was on Monica Lewinskys dress?

It was Big Mac sauce.

You ever based an argument on the phrase, Well, tradition dictates….

Q: Whats the difference between President Hoover and Clinton?
A: One promised a chicken in every pot and the other was an unpromising chicken who smoked pot.

Q: What were Bill and Chelsea Clinton doing in the voting booth?
A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics, how to ruin the people!

Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

Bill Clinton went to sleep at his desk one afternoon and had a strange dream. In the dream, he died and went to hell. When he gets there, Satan greets him and tells him that he will be there for all eternity, but, because of the way he behaved on earth while living, he gets to choose the type of punishment he will receive.

Satan escorts him around and they come to a room where Newt Gingrich is stretched out on a rack, screaming in agony as the wheel is turned. Clinton says, Nope, I dont think Id like that kind of punishment. So they go on to the next room.

There was Bob Dole, tied to a long pole and suspended over a large tub of raw sewage. He is lowered into the tank until completely submerged. After a few minutes he is lifted out of the tank, gasping and fighting for breath. As soon as he gets his breath back, hes lowered again. uh-uh! says Clinton. Thats not for me.

Finally they come to a room where Kenneth Starr is hanging from the wall by his thumbs. His pants are down around his ankles, and Monica Lewinsky is performing oral sex on him. Clinton says OK, if I have to be punished forever, Ill go for that way.

Satan says, Fine. . . that will be your punishment for the next billion years. Monica! Your replacement is here!

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying, And yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.
Oh No! the President exclaims, Thats terrible!
His staff is stunned at this display of emotion, and watching nervously as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, How many is a brazillion?

Joke found on: Fierce Finger