Q: Why did God create Democrats?

A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.

A man passed away and went to heaven. When the man arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter said, Come on in. Ill show you around. Youll like it here.
Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner. It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter what the deal was. Why are all these clocks here in heaven? St Peter replied, the clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute. For instance, this clock is for Sam, the used car salesman. If you watch it closely, it will move. Click. The minute hand on Sams clock moved one minute. Click. It moved another minute.Sam must be into closing a customer right now said St. Peter. The minute hand on his clock moves all day.
The man and St Peter continued walking. Soon they came to a clock with cobwebs on the minute hand. Whose clock is this asked the man. That clock belongs to the Widow Mary. She is one of the finest, God-fearing people on earth. I bet her clock hasnt moved in a year or two.
They continued walking and touring heaven. The man enjoyed watching the clocks of all of his friends. When the tour was over the man said, Ive seen everyones clock but President Clintons. Where is his clock?
Saint Peter smiled, Just look up. We use his clock for a ceiling fan!

Theres never been a macho Acapulco Man advertising campaign.
You dont see groups of stoners huddled around office building doorways in the rain.
No toothpastes are available to get rid of embarassing THC stains on your teeth.
The Spliffs Annual Tennis Classic didnt happen this year.
There are no Senators who identify themselves as being from marijuana states.
No drug kingpin (or other CEO) has lied before Congress about the addictiveness of marijuana.
Uh … wow, what was the question again?
Clinton has definitely inhaled tobacco.
Youll never, ever find the end of a marijuana cigarette on a sidewalk or in a public toilet.

… and the Number One difference between marijuana and tobacco:

Five years imprisonment and a $50,000 dollar fine!

Clinton only lacks three things to become one of Americas finest leaders: Integrity, vision, and wisdom.

The Post Office briefly considered issuing stamps with Bill and Hillarys faces on them. However, test marketing verified that the customers would spit on the wrong side of the stamps.

Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton?
A: Because he filed as head of the household.

Clinton is trying to tell us a no-frills medical care plan. Trouble is, medical care is a frill.

Clinton in 1996–NOT!!

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. Our flag symbolizes our taxes, he said. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.

Thats the same with us, the American said, only we see stars, too.

I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated.