What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?

Ill be home in twenty minutes.

Bill Clinton was in an airplane and he told to his friend: You know, if a throw this 1000 bill, i could make very happy 1 man.

His friend told him:yes, but if you drop 2 bills of 500 you could make happy 2 guys.



One man who was listening all told them:thats true, but if I throw you both, i could make happy all the nation.

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the Axis of Evil, Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the Axis of Just as Evil, which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. Right. They are Just as Evil… in their dreams!, declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. Everybody knows were the best evils… best at being evil… were the best.Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. They told us it was full, said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.An Axis cant have more than three countries, explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. This is not my rule, its tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three.And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool.THE AXIS PANDEMICInternational reaction to Bushs Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Arent the Worst But Certainly Wont Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking,
when George W. said, I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me.

Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, Ill prove it to you.

Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.
Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if Im home, said Cheney.

The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, See That guy was really stupid

No kidding, replied George W. There was a pay phone just around the corner…
You could have called instead?

Q: Whats the best job a dumb blonde ever had?
A: Vice-president of the United States.

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Ernesto Zedillo are having drinks in Paris.

The waiter asks Laperitif?

All of them answer Oui!

The waiter looks at Zedillo Le tequila?

Zedillo: Oui!

The waiter looks at Yeltsin Le vodka?

Yeltsin: Oui!

Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton Le whisky?

Clinton: DONT YOU MENTION THAT BITCH!!!

Bush got a coded message from Saddam.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H

Bush was stumped and sent for the CIA. The CIA was stumped too, so it went to the NSA.

The NSA couldnt solve it either, so they asked Bill Clinton.

He suggested turning the message upside down …

Chelsea asked her dad, Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time…? Bill Clinton replied, No. Some begin with After Im elected…

Bill Clintons 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not commit thyself!