You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

Twas The Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House,

All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse.

The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care,

In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair.

The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds,

While visions of perjury danced in their heads.

And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap,

Had just settled in for a long evenings nap.

When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter

They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter.

When what to their wondering eyes should appear

But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer.

With a Presidential address, so lively and quick,

They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!

More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came,

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

Now Conyers, now Gephardt, lets forget about The Vixen!

On Barney! On Maxine! Im no Richard Nixon!!!

From Capitol Hill to the Washington Mall,

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!!!

And then the Republicans heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As they scratched their heads and were turning around

The resilient Saint Willie scored another rebound.

No longer was he eating from his humble pie,

While assaulting Saddam with his bombs from the sky.

A bundle of weapons he had flung at Iraq,

It looked once again like Slick Willie was back.

His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the hair on his head was as white as the snow.

The stump of a stogie, he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly

That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

He was chubby and plump – a right jolly old elf,

And the Republicans wept, in spite of themselves.

And a wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave them to know they had something to dread.

He spoke the right words and went straight to his work

Hard to believe that an Intern once called him The Jerk.

And shaking his finger and thumbing his nose,

By Wagging The Dog, up the polls he rose.

He turned to his spinmeisters and gave them a whistle,

Then they cheered-on Slick Willie as he launched another missile.

They all heard him exclaim, with Impeachment out of sight,

Happy Ramadan to all, and to all a good night.

(This came from The Washington Spectator.)

Politics has long been the answer to the wits prayer.

Examples:

Politics –the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and
campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the
other. (Oscar Ameringer)

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the
ability afterwards to explain why it didnt happen. (Winston
Churchill)

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President, but they
dont want them to become politicians in the process. (John F.
Kennedy)

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing
between the disastrous and the unpalatable. (John Kenneth Galbraith)

A statesman is a politician whos been dead 10 or 15 years. (Harry
S. Truman)

The quotes are excerpted from The Penguin Dictionary of Modern
Humorous Quotations.

Q: What is Hillarys new nickname after her latest hairstyle?
A: Oldielocks.

I heard Mort Sahl tell this story about Al Haig on the CBS
morning TV program on March 24, 1987; this version is
paraphrased from my notes.

When Prime Minister Nakasone visited President Reagan, he
asked for the auto import restrictions to be rescinded,
saying Weve had a rougher time of it; consider
Hiroshima.

The Gipper was nonplused. What has that got to do
with it?

Well, weve never destroyed one of your cities,
replied Nakasone.

Quickly Haig cut in: What about Detroit?

When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, I dont know. I never had one.

We know about movies like Collateral Damage, that were scheduled for release but were pulled because of 9/11, causing major headaches for studios. But what about all the books that were written before 9/11 and then had to be scrapped?

Giuliani: Why He Could Never Handle a Huge Crisis

Our Fear-Free, Pampered, Celebrity-Obsessed, Self-Indulgent, Insular American World: Why It Will Go On Like This Forever

Carry On: Its Time To Stop All This Unnecessary Airport Security

Religious Fundamentalism: The Last Best Hope to Bring Peace to the World

Mommy, I Feel Too Safe: How to Raise Children in a Boring World

Hosed: Are Firemen Really All That Brave, Or Is It Just a Bunch Of Hype?

How to Find a Great Name for Your Speed-Metal Band, by Joey Belladonna of Anthrax

Jihad? Wasnt She On Moesha?: 100 Hilarious Jokes About Americans Ignorance of World Affairs and Other Cultures

The Death of CNN: Why The All-News Format Failed

Stem Cell Research: George W. Bushs defining moment

How to Look Afghan

Take a Powder!: The kids guide to de-electronizing finely milled granular substances

Q. How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Just one, but it really gets screwed.

Q: Whats worse than a democratic president running foreign affairs?

A: Two democratic presidents running foreign affairs.

The famous genius Jara da Cimrman worked in many branches. One of them was Philosophy.

He created a philosophical system called Externism. Its roots are in solipsism.

A solipsist says: The world does not exist. The only real thing is myself. Everything exists only in my mind.

Jara da Cimrman reversed the principle. In his lecture read at the world philosophical congress in Basel, Switherland, he declared: I do not exist. The only thing that is real is the external world (thence externism).

He was severely criticized by many oponents and one of them (Cimrmans traditional rival) thought he could make everybody laugh at Cimrman by saying: If Jara Cimrman states that he does not exist, how is it possible that he formed his philosophy?

Everyone thought that this reasoning cannot be beaten.

But Jara answered in a way that became part of the history of philosophy (so called Basel Reply): When I do not exist, it does not mean that I am not visible by the world!.

Then he took a newspaper out of his pocket and tore the center of it off, saying: There is nothing in the middle, is it? And nevertheless you can see the hole.