Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said,

Since were in this together, why dont I move over to your side of the cage!

The female canary replied, No, thanks!!

So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her side of the cage. This time he asked,

I am sorry I was to forward the first time. Why dont we get to know each other first.

To which she replied again, No, thanks!

Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage, he languished about for a bit then made one final effort. He went halfway across the cage and stated,

Well, could we at least talk?

This time she replied, Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean. You see I just learned I have a canarial disease called, Chirpies and I hear it is untweetable.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bob

A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field. A huge gust of wind comes along and all the cows fall over, but the bulls just stand there, bracing themselves against the gale. So all the cows stand up and brush themselves off and go back to their business. Pretty soon, a tornado blows through and all of the cows are knocked to the ground, but the bulls just munch on the grass. Next, a hurricane comes through and all the cows are knocked into the next pasture. The bulls just say moo. Finally, one of the cows walks up to one of the bulls and says, Moo? Whats the mooing deal? How come the wind always knocks us for a loop and you just stand there unharmed ? Isnt it obvious? the bull replies. We bulls wobble, but we dont fall down.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, But they are twins-if youve seen Juan, youve seen Amal.

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, This isnt a hazelnut daiquiri!

No, Im sorry, replied the bartender, its a hickory daiquiri, doc.

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, Are you all right? No, I lost an electron! Are you sure? Yeah, Im positive!

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentists Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication!

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: Im looking for the man who shot my paw.

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, How much for a beer? The bartender replies, For you, no charge.

The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the countrys leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.

Sir Edgbert, knight of the realm, was hurrying home on a cold, dark, wet night when, suddenly, his horse suffered a major coronary and died on the spot. All Sir Edgbert could do was collect up what belongings he could and tramp onwards.

After staggering for a spell, he decides that he must get alternative transport. Accordingly, he heads for the nearest building which, as luck would have it, is a small farm. He strides up to the door, bangs on it and shouts A horse! A horse!. I must have a horse!.

The door opens to reveal a young girl. She looks at Sir Edgbert and says, Your pardon, good night but my father and brothers are returning from the village on the other side of the forest and will not be back before noon tomorrow. They are riding all our horses.

Sir Edgbert is saddened by this and says But I must return home immediately. Have you any idea where I may accuire alternative transportation?.

The young girl says I know of no other horses hereabouts, but sometimes my brothers ride our Great Dane dog when the need arises. Would use of that help?

Sir Edgbert is desperate and says If I must, I must. Show me the animal. The young girl leads the way around to the back of the farmhouse to a stable. She dissapears inside and returns leading and enormous dogs which is quite of a size for riding. Unfortunately, the dog has seen better days. Its coat is threadbare, its legs are spindly and it seems to be breathing labouriously.

Sir Edgbert looks at the young girl and says, Surely, you wouldnt send a knight out on a dog like this?