The other day I was eating in an Italian restaurant when I accidentally spilled some spaghetti sauce on my favorite white sweater.

I wasnt too distressed, though, because Mr. Wong down on High Street has been doing my laundry for years, and I knew that he could remove just about any stain and get it out like itd never been there.

So I took the sweater down to Wongs Laundry and dropped it off; Mr. Wong said hed probably be able to have it cleaned by Thursday. So on Thursday afternoon after work I stopped by Wongs again.

Mr. Wong looked quite distressed when he saw me. He brought out the sweater and, apologizing profusely, explained that somehow this stain was beyond even his power to expunge.

And sure enough, though fainter than before, there was still a distinct red stain on the sweater. In an attempt to make up for his failure, Mr. Wong offered to send the sweater to his brother across town, who had been in the laundry business for an even longer time, and who might have a clue as to the method of removal of this extraordinarily persistent stain.

The elder Wong brother would rush it through at no extra charge, and should have it looking as white and clean as new by Friday. So on Friday I went back to Wongs to pick up my sweater, but when I arrived, Mr. Wong regretfully informed me that his brother, too, had failed to remove the red blotch. No charge, said Wong, but you must take sweater elsewhere to clean.

The Moral: … Two Wongs cannot make a white.

One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hales Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,

Well, sonny, I cant remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger.

The owner replies, Well, lets see… Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?

The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, I want this color sonny.

To which Nathan replies, Maam Im sorry, but we dont have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?

No son, I want this color.

But maam, they didnt make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you? says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.

By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.

The secretary replies, Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the womans corn!

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

But baby pigeon said, I cant make it; Ill get too tired. His mother said, Dont worry; Ill tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine.

The baby started to cry.

Whats wrong? said the mother.

I dont want to be pigeon towed!

Why is the United States so windy?

Because Canada sucks and Mexico blows!

He was a mediocre conductor of a mediocre orchestra. He had been having problems with the basses; they were the least professional of his musicians. It was the last performance of the season, Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, which required extra effort from the basses at the end. Earlier that evening, he found the basses celebrating one of their birthdays by passing a bottle around. As he was about to cue the basses, he knocked over his music stand. The sheet music scattered. As he stood in front of his orchestra, his worst fear was realized; it was the bottom of the 9th, no score and the basses were loaded.

A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be.

Stallone says I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart

So the Director says, Very well, you can be Mozart Then he turns to Arnie and says Arnie, who would you like to play ?

And Arnie says Ahll be Bach!

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.

At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, This is the place!.

The other replied, No, its not!.

The first man said, Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.

To which the other man replied, Silly, you cant tell a brook by its clover.

Pat: Hey, Chris! Hows your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.

Chris: To tell you the truth, Im really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him tosing like a bird.

Pat: You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I cant believe it!

Chris: Well, yeah. After all, hes a parrot fish.

Pat: I hate to tell you this, Chris, but while you might be able to teach a parrot bird to sing, youre never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.

Chris: Thats what you think! He can sing all right. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key. Its driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. Weve been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone??

Im sorry, replied the hunchback, but we dont have a phone. My master is a Doctor; come in and I will get him!

Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. Im afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igors master looks worried. Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion. Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills deaths upset Igors master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Bettys hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bobs arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:

Master, Master! … The Hills are alive with the sound of music!