You might be a redneck if…
Its easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You pick your teeth from a catalog.

Youve ever financed a tattoo.

You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.

You might be a redneck if…
The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

You might be a redneck if…
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Network TV is reported to be developing a Texas version of Survivor, the recent popular TV show.

Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and Lubbock. Each will be driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: Im for Gore, Im gay, and Im here to take your guns.

The first contestant to complete the round trip is the winner.

You have ever had to stop at a car wash on the way to a funeral to wash the dump dirt from the back of your pickup so you can use it as a flower truck.

Your clawfoot bathtub has ever been unusable because your wife was using it as a brooder.

Your clawfoot bathtub sometimes serves as a hospital for injured fowl.

Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector asked, What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?

Billy Bob replied, I would switch the points for one of the trains.

What if the lever broke? asked the inspector.

Then Id dash down out of the signal box, said Billy Bob, and Id use the manual lever over there.

What if that had been struck by lightning?

Then, Billy Bob continued, Id run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box.

What if the phone was busy?

Well in that case, persevered Billy Bob, Id rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there.

What if that was vandalized?

Oh, well then Id run into town and go get my Uncle Lester.

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, Why would you do that?

Billy Bob answered, Well, Uncle Lester aint never seen a train wreck!

You might be a redneck if…
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.

You might be a redneck if…
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

You might be a redneck if you learned to drive in a monster truck!