You might be a redneck if…
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were both fighting in a war and were captured by the enemy.
"Before we put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," said the Alabaman. "Could you play Yeah, Alabama before you shoot me?"
"Sure," said the enemy. "How about you, Tennessean?"
"Could you shoot me before you play Yeah, Alabama?"

You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin.

Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport.

You might be a redneck if…
Red Man sends you a Christmas card.

You might be a redneck if…
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball…"

You might be a redneck if…
Your family tree does not fork.

Youve ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.

You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.

On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.

"Theyre all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, thats easy," she said. "I just call David, and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, David, come eat your dinner," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, thats easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

You might be a redneck if…
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

Your masseuse uses lard.

Your wifes best shoes have steel toes.

You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.