You might be a redneck if…
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, Im Eddie, Im here to pick up Betty. Were going for spaghetti, is she ready? No. The second beau came to the door and said, Im Joe, Im here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go? No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. Hello, my name is Chuck. The farmer shot Chuck.

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You might be a redneck if…
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You might be a redneck if your trucks roof is higher than your trailers.

You might be a redneck if…
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

After having their eleventh child, a North Georgia mountaineer couple decided that 11 was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didnt want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative, said the doctor, is to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in the North Georgia Mountains), light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to
10.

The redneck said to the doctor, I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I dont see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.

Trust me, said the doctor.

So the hillbilly went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

At this point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Kentucky, West Virginia, Arkansas, Louisiana, and most parts of Mississippi.

You think Dueling Banjos is classical music.

You refer to the Surgeon Generals Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia.

You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.

Q. What would you call a Redneck who has successfully completed the 3rd grade?

A. Smart!

You might be a redneck if…
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.