You think that Marlboro is a cologne.

Your best coat is a black and red checkered.

You put your Christmas lights up 2 weeks after taking them down.

A pretty woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when the car breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, Oh, its Sunday night and my car broke down! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?

Well, drawls the farmer, you can stay here, but I dont want you messin with my sons Jed and Luke.

She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. Okay, she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?

They say, Huh?

She says, The only thing is, I dont want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers. She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.

Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, Luke?

Luke says, Yeah, Jed?

Jed says, You remember that woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?

Yeah, says Luke, I remember.

Well, do you care if she gets pregnant? asks Jed.

Nope, says Luke, I reckon not.

Me, neither, says Jed, Lets take these things off.

Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

You might be a redneck if…
There are more fish on your wall than pictures.

You might be a redneck if…
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

How can you determine that a death certificate was filled by a redneck doctor?

He signs his name under cause of death!

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, Dont worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you.

The husband was thinking to himself, Oh no, what has he done now?

and asked with some trepidation, Well, bro, what did you name them?

Whereupon, his brother replied, I named the little girl Denise.

The husband, relieved, said, Thats a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?

The brother winked and replied, Denephew.

HOW DO YOU CIRCUMSIZE A REDNECK ??…..KICK HIS SISTER IN THE CHIN .

You might be a redneck if…
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Youve ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.