Do you qualify to be a redneck? Find out below!

* You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has page numbers on it!

* You might be a redneck if youre considered an expert on worm beds!

* You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!

* You might be a redneck if you sell your car for gas money.

* You might be a redneck if your wife wears the same underwear as you do.

* You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard!

* You might be a redneck if there has ever been a crime scene tape across your bathroom door!

* You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck!

* You might be a redneck if rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you bring your own!

* You might be a redneck if the most common phrase in your house is, Someone go jiggle the handle.

* You might be a redneck if one of your kids was born on a pool table!

* You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.

* You might be redneck if your house has more miles on it than your car!

* You might be a redneck if your wife repeatedly has to tell you to take your transmission off the table!

* You might be a redneck if you learned to drive in a monster truck!

* You might be a redneck if Bambi made you hungry for rabbit!

* You might be a redneck if you believe All-Star Wrestling!

* You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife/cousin did not want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (big firework), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, I may not be the smartest man, but I dont see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.

So the couple drove across the state border into Georgia to get a second opinion.

The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama.

The doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldnt be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.

You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.

Your pickup truck no longer has a back.

Two rednecks were sitting on their porch one afternoon and looked down at their dog who was licking his dick. One of the the guys looked at the other and said, I wish that I could do that. The other one then said, Ooooh, that dog would bite you.

Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

Youre a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

Instead of flossing you use a plunger.

You take the back window out of your pickup because its easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way.

When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off of a nearby fence, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.A reporter strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he writes in his notebook. "But Im not a Giants fan," the little hero replies."Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were," says the reporter."Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he writes in his notebook. "Im not a Jets fan either," the boy says. "I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks. "Im a Cowboys fan," the child says. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet".

There was this gas station in redneck country trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying Free Sex with Fill-up.

Soon a redneck customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time.

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time.

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, I think that game is rigged and he doesnt give away free sex. The buddy replied, No, its not rigged — my wife won twice last week.

Youve ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didnt spit it out.

Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.

You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as alanguage to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from theHickphonics/English dictionary: HEIDI — noun. Greeting. HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew." BARD — verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH — noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." MUNTS — noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts." IGNERT — adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!" RANCH — noun. A tool used for tightnin bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." ALL — noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR — noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh dont change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far." BAHS — noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you dont stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!" TAR — noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh dont git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TIRE — noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin and the creek dont rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." RETARD — Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65." TARRED — adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred." FAT — noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. ARE — pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective. RATS — noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin to fat for are rats." FARN — adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed… must be from some farn country." DID — adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "Hes did, Jim." EAR — noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He caint breath … give im some ear!" BOB WAR — noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." JEW HERE — Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cumpny?" HAZE — a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah… haze ignert." SEED — verb, past tense. VIEW — contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I aint never seed New York City… view?" HEAVY DEW — phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?" GUMMIT — noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."