The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You consider Outdoor Life deep reading.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

Youve ever re-used a paper plate.

Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and there was nothing you could do about it.

When you hear someone talking about the king you dont know whether theyre talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.

You might be a redneck if Bambi made you hungry for rabbit!

Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla, How do you spell dumb?

Darla says, D-u-m-b, dumb.

The teacher says, Very good, now use it in a sentence.

She says, Buckwheat is dumb.

The teacher says, Now spell stupid.

Darla says, S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid.

The teacher says, Very good, now use it in a sentence.

Darla says, Buckwheat is stupid.

Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, Buckwheat, spell dictate.

Buckwheat stands and says, D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate.

The teacher says, Very good, now use it in a sentence.

I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever been too drunk to fish.

You might be a redneck if….your belt buckle contains more money, than your pockets do.

You dont know what a redneck is.

Youre still upset that they canceled The Dukes of Hazzard.

You thought ER was ETs cousin.

Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector asked, What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?

Billy Bob replied, I would switch the points for one of the trains.

What if the lever broke? asked the inspector.

Then Id dash down out of the signal box, said Billy Bob, and Id use the manual lever over there.

What if that had been struck by lightning?

Then, Billy Bob continued, Id run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box.

What if the phone was busy?

Well in that case, persevered Billy Bob, Id rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there.

What if that was vandalized?

Oh, well then Id run into town and go get my Uncle Lester.

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, Why would you do that?

Billy Bob answered, Well, Uncle Lester aint never seen a train wreck!

Youve ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.

You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.

Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you cant find it.

10. Doves released during opening ceremonies are promptly shot by the crowd and sold as concession snacks.

9. In an amazing coincidence, every proposed Olympic venue turns out to be owned by the Governor.

8. The big event is the 100m Sisterchase.

7. Instead of shooting at boring targets, archers take aim at muskrats and ATF agents.

6. Urine drug test transformed into Distance Pissin Competition.

5. Olympic Village replaced with Olympic Trailer Park.

4. Awards of gold, silver and bronze medals replaced by award of gold, silver, and bronze teeth.

3. Opening Ceremony is a Skynyrd tape and a trunk full of bottle rockets.

2. Hometown favorites falter in gymnastics competitions due to all them extra toes.

1. Two words: Billy Bobsledding.