Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

Your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You might be a redneck if…
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

You might be a redneck if…
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You might be a redneck if…
You clean your nails with a stick.

Hello, is this the FBI?

Yes. What do you want?

Im calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.

Thank you very much for the call, sir.

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bobs house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bobs house.

Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?

Yeah!

Did they chop your firewood?

Yep.

Merry Christmas Buddy

You might be a redneck if…
None of your shirts cover your stomach.

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

You know youre in a redneck hotel when you phone the front office and say, "Ive got a leak in the sink." And they say, "Go ahead!"

You might be a redneck if…
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.