You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.

You wont stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

You might be a redneck if your lifelong goal is to own a fireworks stand!

You might be a redneck if…
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

Kudzu is green, my dogs name is Blue And Im so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blues and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You aint got no scales, but I luv you anyway.

Youre as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin in the pan. Yore as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when were in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, Well, Im in hawg heaven, Im plumb outta my wits.

And speakin of wits, youve got plenty fer shore. Cuz you married me back in 74.

Still them fellers at work they all want to know, What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape, yore there fer yore man, To patch up lifes troubles and stick em in the can.

Yore as strong as a four-wheeler racin through the mud, Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd.

Yore as cute as a junebug a-buzzin overhead. You aint mean like no far ant upon which I oft tread.

Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid, You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, My life is complete; Aint nuttin I lack.

Yore complexion, its perfection, like the best vinyl sidin. Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin.

And when you get old like a 57 Chevy, Wont put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy.

Me n yous like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank, We go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentines Day; They git it at Wal-Mart; Its romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day, From the cooler at Kroger.

Thats impressive, I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.

Diamonds are forever, they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these will not do. For you are too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odour, Better than diamonds, its a new trollin motor.

You might be a redneck if…
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in".

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

You might be a redneck if…
Your biggest ambition in life is to "git thet big ole coon. The one what hangs round over yonder, backah Bubbas barn…"

You might be a redneck if…
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You might be a redneck if…
Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said lookey thar up ahead, Earl, its a poll-ice roadblock!! Were gonna get busted fer drinkin these here beers!!

Dont worry, Bubba, Earl said. Well just pull over and finish drinkin these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.

What fer?, asked Bubba.

Just let me do the talkin, OK?, said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, You boys been drinkin?

No, sir, said Earl. Were on the patch!