Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they dont catch anything.

The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.

It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As theyre driving home theyre really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?

The other guy says, Wow! Its a good thing we didnt catch any more!

A Hillbilly familys only son had saved up money to go to college and after about 3 years he came back home. They were sitting around the dinner table when the dad said, Well son, you done gone to college so you must be perty smart. Why dont you speak some math fer us? Ok, Pa, the son said then, Pi R squared. After a moment the Dad said, Why son, they aint teached ya nothin! Pie are round, cornbread are square.

You have got more bumper stickers than children.

our wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.

You have ever been in a funeral where the flower truck was a pickup, particularly if it belonged to one of the family, more particularly if it was yours.

You might be a redneck if…

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

Youve ever been arrested for loitering.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors douvre.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

Youve ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your momma has ammo on her Christmas list.

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You might be a redneck if…

Your clawfoot bathtub sometimes serves as a hospital for injured fowl.

You have ever come home and heard a ruckus in the bathroom. When you looked in, one of the injured fowl had escaped, found the chicken in the mirror, and was currently fighting with said chicken.

There have ever been any gun parts, magazines, or ammunition stored on the window ledge of your kitchen. Particularly if they have if they have laid there long enough for the sun to bleach the paper on the shotgun shells.

Any part of your driveway has ever been unusable due to nesting fowl.

One or more doors to your house or trailer are periodically unusable due to nesting fowl.

The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.

You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.

You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.

You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.

You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.

You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.

Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.

You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.

You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.

You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but dont use it because they wont come down your driveway to get it.

The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife…. and wave to her.

Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.

You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.

You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.

You might be a redneck if the roof of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.

You might be a redneck if…
You pick your teeth from a catalog.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room? A: A full set of teeth.