You might be a redneck if…
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)

The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it).

You might be a redneck if…
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Your screen door has no screen.

Your biggest ambition in live is to git that big ole coon.

A redneck was standing in the middle of the road yelling, 57! 57! A blonde saw her doing this so she ran to the middle of the road and started yelling, 57! 57!.

A tractor trailer was coming down the road towards them at about 60 miles per hour, so the redneck jumped to the side of the road. The blonde, however, got hit by the truck and got smeared all over the road.

Then the redneck jumped back on the road and started yelling, 58! 58!

You think those yellow traffic signs that say Slow children at play means the kids in the area are not too bright.

At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.

You think Country & Western covers both types of music.

You might be a redneck if…
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.

You have sworn on your mothers grave while she is standing beside you.

You refer to your cousin as my girlfriend.

You wake up the day after your wedding to find your sister next to you.

Youve ever hit a deer with your car…deliberately.

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!