You might be a redneck if…
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.

Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Youve ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.

You have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

You might be a redneck if you smoke hams after sex.

Q. Why is a hunter good in bed?

A. Becuse he always goes deep, when hes in the bush he always shots twice, and he always eats what he kills.

You might be a redneck if…

You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You participate in the who can spit tobacco the farthest contest.

You might be a redneck if…
Your secret family recipe is illegal.

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding thecommands.The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with abackground picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shippedwith a Daisy Duke screen saver.Also note: Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.Other features: Instead of an error message you geta winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape. OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done done Also note that winders 98 does notrecognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive towinders 98: tiperiter…………….A word processor
colering book…………a graphics program
addin mershene………..calculator
scratch paper ………..notepad
jupe-box …………….CD Player
inner-net…………….Microsoft Explorer
pichers………………A graphics viewer
IRS………………….M/S accounting software
IRS2…………………M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog……………..American kennel club records
fishin……………….Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA………………….National Rifle Association
shot gun …………….Remington Arms price list
riffel……………….Winchester price list
pisstel………………Smith & Wesson price list
truck………………..Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house………………..Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car …………………same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cuzzins………………family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records…………..usually an empty file
shells……………….ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud………………….list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
racin………………..NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n truck
Parts…….nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc …………………veterinarians by zip code We regret any inconvenience it mayhave caused if you received a copy of the Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoftfor a replacement version.

If your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if…
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

You might be a redneck if…
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.