You might be a redneck if…
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun dont shine. He dropped the horses tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon."Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?""Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips." "And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked. "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin em."

You might be a redneck if…
Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You might be a redneck if…
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

You might be a redneck if…
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

You might be a redneck if…
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

You are a redneck,if your prom date is your brother, or if you got to the prom in your fathers pick-up truck!

You might be a redneck if…
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You might be a redneck if…
You own at least 20 baseball hats.

You might be a redneck if…
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"