Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.

Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

You might be a redneck if youve totaled every car youve ever owned!

You might be a redneck if…

You have to duct tape your gloves on.

Youve ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.

Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.

You think that Marlboro is a cologne.

Your best coat is a black and red checkered.

You put your Christmas lights up 2 weeks after taking them down.

You consider duct tape and tarp straps necessities for auto body repair.

You raise the confederate flag in the bed of your truck whenever you go for a drive.

You cant wait for the Saturday night square dance.

You refer to your truck as if it had a legal first name.

Youve ever been given a gun as a present.

Flannel is your favorite color.

You or one of your relatives is named Cletus.

Your grandfather can sense a storm coming by a mysterious twitching in his knee.

The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.

You have got more bumper stickers than children.

Your wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.

You have ever been in a funeral where the flower truck was a pickup, particularly if it belonged to one of the family, more particularly if it was yours.

You have ever had to stop at a car wash on the way to a funeral to wash the dump dirt from the back of your pickup so you can use it as a flower truck.

Your clawfoot bathtub has ever been unusable because your wife was using it as a brooder.

You might be a redneck if the interveiwer asks, “Did you know that we are a Fourtune 500 Company?”

And you answer “What track do yall sponsor that race at? I aint been to that one yet.”

Saturday
1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings.
2:00 A.M. Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 A.M. Throw everything but kitchen sink in camper.
3:00 A.M. Leave for deep woods.
3:15 A.M. Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 A.M. Drive like mad to get to woods before daylight.
4:00 A.M. Set up camp—forgot the sleeping tent.
4:30 A.M. Head into woods.
6:05 A.M. See eight deer.
6:06 A.M. Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 A.M. “CLICK”
6:08 A.M. Load gun while watching deer go over hill.
8:00 A.M. Head back to camp.
9:00 A.M. Still looking for camp.
10:00 A.M. Realize you dont know where camp is.
NOON Fire gun for help—eat wild berries.
12:15 P.M. Ran out of bullets—eight deer come back.
12:20 P.M. Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 P.M. Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 P.M. Rescued and rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:00 P.M. Arrive back at camp.
3:30 P.M. Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 P.M. Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 P.M. Load gun—leave camp again.
5:00 P.M. Empty gun on squirrel thats bugging you.
6:00 P.M. Arrive at camp, see deer grazing in camp.
6:01 P.M. Load gun and fire.
6:02 P.M. One dead pick-up truck.
6:04 P.M. Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 P.M. Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 P.M. Fall into fire.
6:10 P.M. Change clothes—throw burned ones into fire.
6:15 P.M. Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in the woods.
6:25 P.M. Pick-up boils over hole shot in block.
6:26 P.M. Start walking, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.
6:35 P.M. Meet bear and take aim.
6:37 P.M. fire gun—blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:38 P.M. Dirty my pants.
6:39 P.M. Climb tree.
9:00 P.M. Bear departs, I wrap gun around tree.
MIDNIGHT Home at last.
Sunday
Following church services, watch ball game on T.V., slowly tear hunting license into pieces, place into envelope and mail to Game Warden promising God never to hunt again.

You might be a redneck if youve been married three times and still have the same in-laws!

You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck!

You got your tater gun hangin over your couch in your living room as a conversation piece.

Youve ever entered yourself in a Howdy Doody Look-alike Contest.

Your lips move while reading a stop sign.

You might be a redneck if…

You dont know what a redneck is.

Youre still upset that they canceled The Dukes of Hazzard.

You thought ER was ETs cousin.

You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.

You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.

Youve ever been stuck in your own driveway.

You refer to your dog as the dishwasher.

Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.

You repair your car in the autoparts store parking lot.

You can name all the characters from the Dukes of Hazzard.

You recite lines from The Dukes of Hazzard.

You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues.

You got married in the family car, in a drive-thru chapel.

You search your computer monitor for the dial that changes channels.

Your idea of a fancy dessert is moon pie ala mode.

You just bought your family their lst Atari game system.

You and your wife celebrate your anniversay at the K-mart cafeteria.

You think the only tools real men need are duck tape and caulk, and you have sucessful repair projects to prove it.

Youve tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up.

You name your car the General Lee.

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, Im Eddie, Im here to pick up Betty. Were going for spaghetti, is she ready? No. The second beau came to the door and said, Im Joe, Im here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go? No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. Hello, my name is Chuck. The farmer shot Chuck.