The young redneck had just gotten married and, nervous about his wedding night, snuck out and paid his father a visit.

Pop, he drawled, Ahm jest not sure Ah know what tdo.

Its simple, said his father.

Remember the stiff thing you used to play with when you were a boy? Just take it out and stick it where yer honey pisses.

Filled with confidence, the boy ran home and, grabbing his baseball bat, threw it in the outhouse.

A redneck cowboy rides into town on a hot blistering day riding his horse with his dog following. He ties his horse and dog under the shade of a tree and goes into the bar for a cold beer. About twenty minutes later a policeman comes in and asks who owns the dog tied under the tree. The redneck cowboy tells him that its his. The policeman says, Your dog is in heat.

The redneck cowboy answers, No way the dogs in heat; hes cool cause hes tied under the shade of the tree.

The policeman says, No! you dont understand, your dog needs to be bred.

The redneck sowboy shakes his head and says, No way dog needs bread, hes not hungry, I gave him beef jerky this morning.

The policeman finally gets mad and says, Look, your dog wants to have sex.

The redneck cowboy looks at him and says, Go ahead; I always wanted a policedog!

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

Its easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

Your dog cant watch you eat without gagging.

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.

She said to the bellman, We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.

But, madam!, replied the bellman.

Dont But madam me, she continued. You cant treat us like were a couple of fools just because we dont travel much, and weve never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. Im going to complain to the manager.

Madam, the bellman said, this isnt your room; this is the elevator!

You might be a redneck if…
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

You might be a redneck if…
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

You might be a redneck if…
You own a homemade fur coat.

Youve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sisters honor.

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job–primer red and primer gray.

The tobacco chewers in your family arent just men.

You might be a redneck if youve ever bought a used hat!