Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
Motorcycles curves never sag.
Motorcycles last longer.
Motorcycles dont get pregnant.
You can ride a Motorcycle any time of the month.
Motorcycles dont have parents.
Motorcycles dont whine unless something is really wrong.
You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old
one is really worn.
If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
Motorcycles dont care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.
When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
Motorcycles dont care about how many other Motorcycles you have.
Motorcycles dont mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy
Motorcycle magazines.
New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you dont want to pay for them,
you dont get them.
If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you dont have to discuss politics to
correct it.
You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.
You can have a black Motorcycle and show it to your parents.
You dont have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.
You dont have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your
Motorcycle.
You dont have to convince your Motorcycle that youre a motorcyclist and
that you think that Motorcycles are equals.
If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you dont have to apologize
before you can ride it again.
You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it wont get sore.
Your parents dont remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump
it.
Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
Motorcycles dont insult you if you are a bad rider.
Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.
Motorcycles dont care if you are late.
You dont have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
Its always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
If your Motorcycle doesnt look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
You cant get diseases from a Motorcycle you dont know very well.

Bible scholars have long wondered how old Isaac was when his father
Abraham took him up to the mountain top to offer him as a sacrifice.
Through careful study of the story as related in the Old Testament,
based on the following facts:

Issac was old enough to understand the ritual of sacrifice,
Issac was old enough to carry wood for the fire to the top of the
mountain,
Issac was old enough to notice that they were not bringing an animal
for the sacrifice.

Therefore Issacs age, at this time, was greater than 8 years old.
Scholars also conclude that he was younger than 12 years old as
supported by the following fact:

If Issac had been older than twelve, he would have been a
teenager and it would not have been a sacrifice.

As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young girl named Lena
shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where
before long, she became a successful performer in show business.

Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night
went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. In
the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her
work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know
what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she
did on stage.

She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she
went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips.

Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged
ladies. They witnessed Lenas acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the
other: Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin out this
night, and me without me bloomers on!

There was a long line of souls before the gate of Heaven and Hell. Waiting on line beside each other were two residents of New York City, a taxi driver and a priest and they started chatting to kill the time. Finally, it was the taxi drivers turn to be judged; after talking with God for a few minutes, he was allowed to enter heaven. The priest came after him and had his few minutes with God. He, however, was sent to hell.Needless to say, the priest was pretty surprised by this turn of events and asked God why he, who had constantly talked to people about God, had been sent to hell and a taxi driver was going to heaven. God replied, " We judge whether one goers to heaven not by the words he has said but the deeds he has done on the earth. While you talked about God, people slept, but they all remembered me when he drove."

Theres this cathedral thats still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a cage elevator inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these cage elevators is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be called to another floor.

One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens:

Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, Do you want to go to heaven?

The man said, I do Father.

The priest said, Then stand over there against the wall.

Then the priest asked the second man, Do you want to got to heaven?

Certainly, Father, was the mans reply.

Then stand over there against the wall, said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to OToole and said, Do you want to go to heaven?

OToole said, No, I dont Father.

The priest said, I dont believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you dont want to go to heaven?

OToole said, Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.

There were two men in a bar talking and the first man began to tell
the second man a story:

One day St. Peter sent an angel to Earth to make a list of all the
people that were doing hanky-panky. The angel soon found that this
was a monumental task, so he asked St. Peter for some assistance.
However, none could be given due to the labor shortage. So, a
compromise was reached in that the angel would a list of those persons
not engaging in hanky-panky. This was a much shorter list. Upon
returning with the list, the angel was bid of St Peter to send a
letter of commendation to all those on the list that had not
participated in hanky-panky.

At this point the first man turned to the second and asked,And do you
know what the letter said? No, what did the letter say? Ah, so
you didnt get one either!

[Offensive to large bodies of water]

The old Jewish man was walking on the beach with his only grandson,
when a giant wave crashes onshore, sweeping the boy out to sea.
The man looks up to the heavens and says, Oh Lord, this is my only
grandson, how can you take him away from me like this? My son will
not understand. My daughter-in-law will die from grief.

Another wave comes by, and deposits the boy at the old mans feet.

The grandfather looks to the heavens again and says, He had a hat!

Selma, an elderly Jewish lady was leaving the garment district to go home from
work. Suddenly a man who had been walking towards her, stood in front of
her, blocked her path, opened up his raincoat and flashed her.

Unruffled she took a look and said, This you call a lining?

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.The first one tells her friends, My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.The second Catholic woman chirps, Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Grace.The third Catholic woman says smugly, Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say Your Eminence.The fourth replies, My son is a gorgeous, 6 2 hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, … My God ….