An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout PRAISE THE LORD!

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, There aint no Lord!!

Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!

The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, PRAISE THE LORD.

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didnt.

The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!

Two baseball players promised each other. If one of them died frist he will come back as a ghost to tell if there was baseball in heaven. So one of them dies and comes back as a ghost and says, I have some good news and some bad news. Then the other persom says,tell me. so he says,The good news is there is baseball in heaven but the bad news is that your pitching tomorrow.

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. Youre running around with other women, she charged.

Youre being unreasonable, Adam responded. Youre the only woman on earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.

It was Eve. What do you think youre doing? Adam demanded.

Counting your ribs, said Eve.

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, Stop! Acts 2:38! [Turn from your sin]

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.

Scripture? replied the burglar, She said she had an axe and two 38s!

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, Im Mr. Sugarbrowns daughter.
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, Im Jane Sugarbrown.
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, Arent you Mr. Sugarbrowns daughter?
She replied, I thought I was, but mother says Im not.

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, Arent you Moses?

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the mans view and asked again, Arent you Moses?

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the mans sleeve and asked once again, Arent you Moses?

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, Yes I am.

George W. asked him why he was so uppity.

Moses replied, The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!

Theres this man, a devout catholic, who really wants to meet the pope. When the pope comes to his town on his world tour, the man puts on his finest Armani suit and goes down to see him.

Well, there are hundreds and hundreds of well dressed people, but the pope walks right up to this one especially shabby guy. The guy is clearly a homeless person, unshaven, smelly and dressed in rags. The pope leans over and has a conversation with the guy.

Well, our hero notices this, and he realizes there is no way that he can possibly be noticed in the sea of Armani suits, so he ducks into a bathroom, shreds his clothing and makes himself up to be equally shabby.

Sure enough, when he comes out the pope comes right over to him, leans over and says, I thought I told you to get the hell out of here.

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate.

He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering.

He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said hed like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand.

The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor.

He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, Ill take him and him and him.

Upon entering the confessional, a young woman admitted to the priest, Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me … seven times! The priest thought long and hard, then said, Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass, then drink it.Will this cleanse me of my sins? the young woman asked.No, said the priest, but it will wipe that smile off your face.

A young lady had unwantedly become pregnant and wanted an abortion.
Unfortunately, a medical examination showed she could not and when
told so by her doctor she broke down and cried. I cant have a baby
now, she said, There must be something you can do! The doctor
thought about this for a while, and suddenly he came up with an idea:
There is bound to be someone in this hospital in for an appendix
operation when you give birth, and well just give her the baby and
tell her it wasnt the appendix after all.

The young lady agreed to his plan, but at the time she was giving birth
there were no women in for appendix operation in the hospital, in fact
the only person who was was an old priest. The doctor, desperately
realizing the gravity of the situation and his promise, figured he
might as well try anyway.

The priest was overwhelmed. Convinced this was an immaculate
conception he took his little son home. The years passed and his son
grew to become a fine boy. The priest was getting old, and finally he
he called his son to his deathbed.

There is something I have to tell you, said the priest,
I am not your father. His son looked at him in surprise.
The priest went on; I am your mother, the bishop is your father.

Truls Solheim Myklebust
University of Oslo