These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

176. Invite the school President to sleepover.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

167. Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that theyre for the Sandman. Take a bite out of one of the cookies while your roommate is asleep. The next morning, accuse your roommate of having bitten one of the cookies. If he/she tries to tell you the Sandman did it, insist that you know what the Sandmans teeth marks look like and that those are, in fact, not the Sandmans teeth marks. Grumble angrily and storm out of the room.

14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isnt

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Dont be redundant; dont use more words than necessary; its highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

120. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.

The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.

To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.

A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

115. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, Psst! Is it gone?

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

60. Find out your roommates post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say oh geez, better get cracking and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming Andre, Andre, Ive got the secret documents!!

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructors left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, Im so sure you can hear me thinking. Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, I dont understand any of this. Ive been to every lecture all semester long! Whats the deal? And who are you? Wheres the regular guy?

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

78. Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed.