These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

46. While youre roommate is there and you are not, secretly order a pizza up to him using his name.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

9. Speak in tongues.

31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

187. Leave lots of pills in your drawer, and walk around like a zombie.

24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because thats all you have

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

128. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, Well, it was fun while it lasted.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.

A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.

We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.

English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.

By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.

1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be a college student.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

95. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, Its spreading, its spreading.

A boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality.
His dad says, Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars.

He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, Dad, she said, Yes!.

OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question.

A few minutes later he came back, shocked again. Dad, she said, Yes! also!

His dad told him, There you go.

His son looked at him, puzzled. Dad I still dont understand.

Look son, POTENTIALLY we are multi-millionaires, but in REALITY we are dead broke and living with a couple of whores.