33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

35. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommates parents (postage due).

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

118. Call your roommate Clyde by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him Clyde all the time. If your roommate protests, say, Im sorry. I wont do that anymore, Murray.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

124. Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it off, say, What do you think you are? A king?

23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

173. Ask your roommate if s/he can turn down the music. Explain that Bob has a headache.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.

13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.

This is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class.

31. Watch the professor through binoculars.

32. Start a wave in a large lecture hall.

33. Ask to introduce your invisible friend in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.

34. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream AAAGH! MY EYES!

35. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even its Smith. Claim that the i is silent.

36. Sit in the front row reading the professors graduate thesis and snickering.

37. As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professors reply and proceed to do so anyway.

38. Claim that you wrote the class text book.

39. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream IMPOSTER!

40. Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

23. Whenever your roommate turns your way, begin frowning.