Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Sandy offered, Would you like me to be your friend?

The girl hesitated, then said, Okay, looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, Why are you standing here all alone?

Because, the little girl said with great exasperation, Im the goalie!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

172. Ask your roommate if Bob, your invisible friend, can stay the night.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

49. Listen to radio static.

27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter

A teacher wanted one of her pupils to come up with a sentence with the word fascinate in it. A girl put her hand up and said,I went to Disneyland. It was fascinating.

No no, I want you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating.

A boy known for his bad language put his hand up and said, My sister´s got a shirt with 12 buttons but her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommates desk. Include a list of grievances.

36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions arent necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.

61. You almost forget how to drive.

62. Youll drink anything if its free..

63. People still cheat, its just more technologically advanced.

64. You get really good with excuses for skipping class.

65. The girl youre going to marry may live right next door, so keep your stereo down.

66. Ordering food at 1 am is a common occurance.

67. You never realized how cool you can be.

68. TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.

69. You realize how great your hell summer job was once you get to work study.

70. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.

51. Computer games go in and out faster than the latest fashions.

52. Any game can be made into a drinking game.

53. Disney movies are more than just classics.

54. Find one thing you like in the dining hall and go with it.

55. You will hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible.

56. Phone calls almost never happen and when they do, you just dont get the messages.

57. Cereal makes a meal any time of day.

58. Keep your high school term papers; nowadays, everything is recycled.

59. ATMs are the devils advocate.

60. Beware the boy in the Care Bear toga.