You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say you dont really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!

32. Bring a water pistol with you.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructors requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36. Come in wearing a full knights outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise youre not just failing, youre getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

10. Move you roommates personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

52. Send secret admirer notes on your roommates Email.

101. Its amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class or in the library takes an average of two seconds.

102. You spend a ridiculous amount of time pondering the mystery of whether the cafeteria Lucky Charms are the real thing.

103. People magazine is your deep philosophical reading material.

104. You begin to subdivide your room into sections such as den, library, etc. to make it sound like a house.

105. All you have to do to make new friends is have mom send up some cookies.

106. You never realized how quiet your house was.

107. Dishes arent dirty enough to wash until they have bugs and/or mold in them.

108. Printers only break down when you desperately need them.

109. You get along so much better with your family now that you never see any of them.

110. Your life will never be the same again.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

194. Spend hours in your room on personal hygiene. Spend at least an hour a day clipping your nails, another hour combing your hair, yet another hour washing your face and hands, etc.

4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.

21. Labs used to be fun.

22. T.A. used to stand for teaching assistant, now, for terribly articulated.

23. Squirt guns equal stress relief.

24. E-mail becomes your second language.

25. Frat parties are exactly like they are in the movies.

26. Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now theyre a Godsend.

27. You never realized so many people are smarter than you.

28. You never realized so many people are dumber than you.

29. Professors are like celebrities: you see them, but they never see you.

30. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and youd never know, but you could recite last weeks episode of Friends verbatim.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

76. When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on when you leave.

11. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

12. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.

13. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, The Professor cant hear you, youll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy.

14. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class hes named Boogers McGee and is your mascot. Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, Whatll be, McGee?

15. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?

16. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.

17. Wear a virtual reality helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.

18. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.

19. Ask students to call you Tinkerbell or Surfin Bird.

20. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

80. Eat moths.