11. Two meals a day are standard. One for some!

12. Recycling becomes synonomous with laundry (Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas…theres only a *little* bit of mud on them…).

13. You can never make too many meals in a hot pot (or pizelle maker).

14. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class (not that this is anything really new).

15. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.

16. It takes more than one person to carry your laundry, books, trash, or alcohol.

17. If the lecture hall is big enough, get someone elses notes.

18. You begin to nap again (also not new).

19. Your bill in the bookstore will almost equal tuition.

20. Isnt it amazing that the book your professor wrote is always required for his class?

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with Didja ever wonder why…. Be creative.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

113. Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

89. Every time your roommate walks in yell, Hooray! Youre back! as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, Shouldnt you be going somewhere?

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

26. Write your roommates name in big print on hundreds of pages of paper. Leave pages all over the room. If he asks about it, say you didnt write it.

Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.

Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.

Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.

Freshman: Calls the professor Teacher.
Senior: Calls the professor Bob.

Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if its more than three blocks away.

Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professors habits to get a good grade.

Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.

Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.

Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are.
Senior: Has own personal workstation.

Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October… maybe.

Freshman: Looks forward to first classes of the year.
Senior: Looks forward to first beer garden of the year.

Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm
Senior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis midterm

Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other night
Senior: Calls Dominos every other night

Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professors
Senior: Is appalled that the campus Subway burned down over the summer

Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions
Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night

Freshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus
Senior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group house

Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand ones horizons and really make a contribution to society
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room

Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, Theres Jennifer; shes a lawyer, or Thats Michael, hes a doctor.

A small voice from the back of the room rang out, And theres the teacher; shes still old, nasty, and wrinkled

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

119. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.

This is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class.

21. Stare continually at the professors crotch. Occassionally lick your lips.

22. Address the professor as your excellency.

23. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if hes been drinking.

24. Shout WOW! after every sentence of the lecture.

25. Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face.

26. Ask whether you have to come to class.

27. Present the professor with a large fruit basket.

28. Bring a seeing eye rooster to class.

29. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay? Become aggitated when the professor cant understand you.

30. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

55. Tell your roommate that its your birthday–every day.