8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While hes in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldnt have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, For The Tooth Fairy. 🙂 Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, For Santa. 🙁

11. Take everything out of your house as if its just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While hes in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santas sure to see them. Go outside, yell, Ooh! Look! A deer! And hes got a red nose! and fire a gun.

/* GCFL wishes all our readers a Merry Christmas! */

When I was a child of about twelve years old, we had a Christmas that I have never forgotten. We grew up in humble means to say the least, but we generally always had one or two gifts under the tree even if they were only socks and underwear.
During this particular Christmas, by good fortune we had many gifts. For the first time in a long time, we received a lot of the things we actually wanted. I was one of seven children, so this was a very big deal. We were all so excited and could hardly wait until Christmas morning.
However, on that Christmas Eve, after careful reflection and much heated discussion, my father decided that it was much too much, and that in this frenzy that we had lost the true meaning of Christmas.
With much trepidation, we were instructed to hand over all but one of our unopened gifts. There was some crying, some anger, some shock and disbelief. What happened next truly astounded us. My father loaded all those gifts into his truck and we all piled in. We went from house to house in our community and handed out our things. Some of the families we knew, some we didnt. All were as poor as we were. Some had no gifts except for ours. As that truck rounded corner after corner, slowly, very slowly, the anger left. The shock and disbelief vanished and were replaced with a different sort of emotion. We all started to feel a overwhelming sense of joy in this service. The mark that this experience left on our lives has changed the way we look at Christmas forever.
Never before had I grasped what Christmas was truly about. It is about unselfish giving. Not of toys or gifts, but giving of ourselves. It was of Christ who would gave the ultimate gift of eternal life.
That experience taught us that at the celebration of his birth, our giving should reflect his ultimate sacrifice. He gave the whole of his life in our service and for our sake showing us His love. Hence the best gift we can give to others at Christmas is our time, sharing our talents, and genuine love, as acts of kindness.

Received from Dr. Scott Brooksby.

Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloddy murder and trash on the floor.
Go to the mall with your roomate and sit on Santas lap. Refuse to get off.
Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny youre wearing it.
Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town …
Hang mistle-toe in the doorway. When your roomate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
Hang a stocking with your roomates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say youve been very naughty this year.
Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer games.
Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (I.E. You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistle-toe last night.)
Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.
Sing: All I want for Christmas is my roomates two front teeth …
Give your roomate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.
Build a snowperson with your roomate and place a hat on its head. When it doesnt come to life, cry hysterically it didnt work!
Whip your roomate screaming now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner, and Blitzen, etc.
Tear down all your roomates Christmas decorations yelling Bah Humbug!
Wake up every morning screaming Ghost of Christmas Future, please have mercy on my soul!
Tell your roomate youre moving out. Santas buying you a house on 34th Street.
Pin a pointsetta to your lapel.
Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.
Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roomates friends give it a yank.
Ring jingle bells maniacally saying every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.
Stand in front of the mirror reciting How the Grinch Stole Christmas over and over in your underwear.
Smoke mistle-toe. Do what comesnaturaly.
Watch your roomate when s/he is sleeping. When s/he wakes up sing, he sees you when youre sleeping …
Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your roomate asks, tell him/her I had to let them stay here, theres no room at the inn.
When your roomate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her posessions. Tell him/her that Santas elves must have done it.

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?

Booberries…

Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said, No L!

Q: Did you hear that one of Santas reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Twas the night before Christmas
and throughout the substation,
Not a deputy stirred,
they were all on vacation.

The stockings were hung
on the wall with great care,
Next to some T-shirts
and old underwear.

I was working the night shift
compiling stats,
Answering the phone,
and feeding the rat.

When all of a sudden
there arose such a clatter,
I leapt from my desk
to see what was the matter!

I opened the door
with a creak and a crick,
And saw a jolly red fat man
I knew must be St. Nick.

I had seen his picture
a time or two,
He was wanted:
Article 27 – Section 342.

I threw open the door
and commanded him Freeze!
Put your hands on you head
and get down on your knees.

But he turned and he ran,
up the chimney he flew,
With me in pursuit,
toward Booth St. I knew.

When we got to the roof
Santa made for his sleigh,
Throwing down toys
and blocking my way.

As I got to the peak,
he threw down some crack,
I slipped and I fell
landing flat on my back.

To my front I was faced
with a toy M-1 tank,
And Pink Power Rangers
covering my flank.

On Dasher, on Dancer!,
he cried loud and clear.
Then I got off three rounds
and dropped the lead deer.

And I heard Santa say
as he sailed into the blue,
Merry Christmas to all!
My Lawyers will sue!

Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you dont want.