An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is.

These, senor, replied the waiter in broken English, are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today.

The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, These cojones, or whatever you call them…are much smaller than the ones I had last night.

Yes, senor, replied the waiter, You see…the bull, he does not always lose.

A boy went up to a teacher and asked to go to the restroom. She said for him to say his ABCs. He said, ABCDEFG,HIJKLMNO, QRS,TUV,WX,Yand Z.

So the teacher asked him, Wheres your P?

He said, Running down my pants!!!!!!!!!

Q: WHATS GROSSER THEN GROSS A:A GIRL DOING THE SPLITS AND STICKING TO THE FLOOR.

Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting good and lit when one turned to the other and said, You know what gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, theyre fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on, its a wonder any work is getting done, and its making a mess all over the ship. I dont know what to do!

The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion.

Oldest trick in the book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams. Then you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold.

Well thats a great way to keep the ship clean, but then Im out a bag of gold every trip!

Not so, replied the other captain.

After you get back to port, take all the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into candles. You make a tidy profit every time.

The captain pondered this and the next day, he took his friends advice and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea. Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after barrel. When they finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels for a huge profit. This is great, thought the captain, before long, Ill be able to buy a new boat!

This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship happened back to that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain was surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, the captain cried out, Whats the meaning of this?!

You sick bastard, replied the cop.

Remember all those barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed through town?

Sure, said the captain.

What about em?!

Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all the nuns are pregnant!

Dan Quail does not support Viagra. Quote: Ive been using this stuff for a week and NOTHING! Its the worst suppository Ive ever used.

Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may cause them to spin around and point north.

Rumor has it that when a truck carrying a load of Viagra slid off into the Ohio River, all the lift bridges suddenly went up.

New plans are being made to raise the Titanic. Experts plan to pump it full of Viagra, and expect it to raise right up.

For years the medical professional has been looking after the ill, to make them better. Now, with Viagra, theyre raising the dead!

The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.

Its been said that if you take Viagra and Propecia (or use Rogain) at the same time, things work great — but you look like Don King, afterward.

A Viagra delivery truck was high-jacked: The police are looking for two hardened criminals. They expect a stiff penalty under the penal code.

Unconfirmed but frequent reports tell us that a man who overdosed on Viagra caused the funeral home problems – they couldnt close his coffin lid for 3 days.

Even so, were told that the funeral home industry is happy about Viagra overdoses: Lots of new stiffs means an upswing in business.

Nine signs you are on a No Frill Airline

1. You cant board the plane unless you have the exact change.

2. Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

3. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

4. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

5. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

6. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, Just once.

7. No movie. Dont need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

8. You see a man with a gun, but hes demanding to be let off the plane.

9. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?A: Winnie the Pooh!

A blind man was describing his favorite sport – parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.”

But how do you know when you are going to land? he was asked.

Well, I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground, he answered.

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground? he was again asked.

He quickly answered, Oh that? The dogs leash goes slack!

What do Monica Lewinsky and a coke machine have in common??

Answer: They both say insert Bills

Q. What do u call 2 lesbian dinosaurs?

A: A lickalotapuss