A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, "Youre right,that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

Two boys show up at the local drugstore.

One is 12 years old and the other is 6. The older boy orders some Tampax for his little brother.

You must be a little mixed up, the clerk says, dont you want it for your mother?

The kid keeps insisting he wants it for his brother and says, I saw on TV if you wear Tampax you can ride a bicycle and go swimming…he cant do any of those things now.

A guy goes to the Farmer to buy a horse. He give the farmer the money and says that he will be around later to pick up the horse.

When he returns he is shock to find that the horse is dead!

He goes to the farmer and asks what happen to horse and can he get is money back.

The farmer replies no because he has spent the money and that he has no more horses to give.

The guy is unhappy but says o.k. and takes the dead horse anyway.

The farmer is shocked but doesnt say anything.

A couple of weeks later the guy returns to the farmer to buy a couple more dead horses, so the farmer asked him what in the world would you want to do with a dead horse??

The guy replies that he had an auction to sell the dead horse, and
charged 10 pounds entrance and had over two hundred people there.

The farmer is shocked and said didnt anyone get angry when they found out that the horse was dead.

The guy replies only the person that won.

The farmer says what happened next, and the guy says nothing i gave him back his 10 pounds.

Small group of OSCE officials, followed by Serbian police is travelling on a highway somewhere in the zone of recent heavy fights. Soon they come across several bodies beside the road.

What is this?

An officer of OSCE asks Serbian policeman.

They probably ate these poisonous mushrooms.

he says pointing to some growing nearby, There are so many of them around here,

They continue their travel. But after few miles they come across similar picture. Again an officer of OSCE asks police what all this mean.

Well, sir, I am quite sure that they too are dead because of the mushrooms says a policeman.

Why the hell they have holes in their heads, then?

Shouted the officer.

They refused to eat mushrooms, sir responded another policeman.

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the old mans peanuts. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to taking the peanuts.

Thats okay, the old man replies after a moment. Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocalate off the M&Ms.

A man went into the proctologists office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctors desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.

When the doctor came in, the man said, Look Doc, this is my first exam… I know what the K-Y is for… and I know what the glove is for…but whats the BEER for?

At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!

A man was walking through the desert and had not eaten for days. He came across a church, went in, knelt at the alter and prayed, Good God, give me some food!

As if by magic a lump of meat dropped at his feet. Overjoyed he ate the food. He came back every day with the same request, and everyday he was rewarded until one day a hand dropped at his feet.

Puzzled he looked up… There was a leper painting the ceiling.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, the bad news is that now that weve caught you, were going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.

The Frenchman says, I take ze sword. the chief gives him a sword, he shouts,Vive la France! and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, a pistol for me, please. The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, God save the queen! and pulls the trigger.

The New Yorker says, gimme the fawkin fork. the chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The new Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over–the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Theres blood gushing out all over, its horrible.

The chief is appalled, and asks, my God almighty, what are you doing?

The New Yorker says, so much for your canoe, you stupid asshole!

a man decided to go out fishing. while he was fishing his pole started to yank hard. so the man started wheeling in as fast and hard as he could. he saw the fish and it was pretty big.he said to himself ooo i can take this one home for dinner. then the fish sayed… if u free me i will grant u 3 wishes…BUT!…on your wishes your neighbor will have twice as much. so the man sayed ok…i wish to have a huge beautiful house.BOOM! theres a huge beautiful house house. but he sees his neighbor with two huge beautiful houses…so the man gets kinda jealous but o well. so goes on to his next wish…i wish had a nice red ferrari ok BOOM! there it is but he sees his neighbor with 2 of them! now this guy is really mad and says i wish i wish i had 1 of my testicles removed. ok ..BOOM! then he hears a big scream comming from hi s neighbor i think u get y.

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Dont fear anything. After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpses anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same. After hesitating, they all did it. Next, the professor said, you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.