Two cowboys are out riding and are ambushed by Indians.

They are taken back to camp and tied up. The chief says to the first man, Death or goomy goomy.

The man not wanting to die said, Goomy goomy.

So the tribe of Indians took the first man and sodomized him repeatedly.

The first man was drug back and tied to his post as his body hung limp.

Then the chief approached the second man, Death or goomy goomy.

Not wanting to go through the ordeal the first man had gone through, he said I shall take death!

The chief stepped back and said, Good, then death it shall be. Death by goomy goomy!

A drunk man walks into a bar and says, Im gonna take a dump on all of you except for…you! Why me? Because Im gonna wipe my ass with you!

A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him, I have some very bad news for you. Im afraid that youre afflicted with a fatal and incurable disease.

So the guy asks, Well isnt there ANYTHING I can do, doc?

Hmmm… maybe you should go to a spa and start taking daily mud baths. The doctor tells the patient.

Mud baths? Will that help me, doc?

Probably not… but at least youll get used to being covered in dirt!

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are riding in an elevator. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, That looks like a cum stain!

The brunette leans over and smells the stain. Smells like a cum stain too!

The blonde leans over and licks the spot on the elevator wall, then says, Yep, but its nobody from this building.

A drunk is standing, pissing into a fountain in the middle of town, so a cop comes up to him and says Stop that and put it away! The drunk shoves his dick into his pants and does up his zip. As the cop turns to go, the drunk starts laughing.

Okay, whats so funny?

asks the cop.

Fooled you.

says the drunk I put it away, but I didnt stop.

A student of proctology is in the morgue one day after classes, wanting to get a little practice in before the final exams. He goes over to a table where a body is lying face down. He uncovers the sheet over the body, and to his surprise he finds a cork in the corpses rectum.
Figuring that this is fairly unusual, he pulls the cork out, and to his surprise, music begins playing, On the road again…just cant wait to get on the road again…

The student is amazed, and places the cork back in the backside. The music stops. Totally freaked out, the student calls the Medical Examiner over to the corpse. Look at this, this is really something, the student tells the examiner as he pulls the cork back out again. On the road again…just cant wait to get on the road again…

So what? the Medical Examiner replies, obviously unimpressed with the students discovery.

But isnt that the most amazing thing youve ever seen? asked the student.

Are you kidding? replied the Examiner, Any asshole can sing country music!

A man travelling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was OCCUPIED. The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside.

The buttons were marked WW, WA, PP and ATR. Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.

He carefully pressed the first button marked WW and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, WOW, the women really have it made!.

Still curious, he pressed the button marked WA and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world!

The button marked PP yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear.

Well, naturally he couldnt resist the last button marked ATR. When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse.

When she appeared, he cried out, What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!

The nurse replied, Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the ATR button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover… Your penis is under your pillow!

There was an opening with the CIA as an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and theres a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to three men but only one position was available.

So the day came for the final test to see which man would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances, they explained.
Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.

The man got a shocked look on his face and said,
You cant be serious! I could never shoot my own wife.

Well, says the CIA man, youre definitely not the right man for the job then.

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun.
We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, they explained to the second man.
Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her’

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, and then the door opened and the man came out with tears in his eyes.

I tried to shoot her but I just couldnt pull the trigger and shoot my own wife. I guess Im not the right man for the job.

No, the CIA man replied, you dont have what it takes. Take your wife and get the hell home.

Now the CIA are down to one man left to test. Again they lead him to the same door of the same room and give him the same gun.
We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair, take this gun and kill her.

The third man took the gun and opened the door and before the door had even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, and then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the third man. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said,

You guys didnt tell me the gun was loaded with f***ing blanks. I had to beat the bitch to death with the chair.

Who do you keep a nigger from drowning?take your foot off his head.

A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back.

Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at all.

The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air.

She speaks to the other bum and says, What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!

Other bum says, Well, I dunno. Let me ask him.”

Shouting out he say’s, “HEY WILLIE, FOR $50 WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?