Two brothers are getting ready for school. One boy is sitting down, having a bowl of Corn Flakes, the other is frantically looking for an item for show-and-tell. I know I put it here somewhere he says. He then remembers that he put it in the kitchen for safe keeping the night before. He dashes for the kitchen and stops at his brother, still eating his cereal. Hey, you found my scab collection.

A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age.

He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.

Will I have to go home and come back now? he asks.

The woman says, Unbutton your shirt.

So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair.

She says, That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me, and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.

She said, You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.

A little boy named little Johny runs upto his mom from outside and says Mommy, can little girls have babies?

Oh course not replies the mom and starts chopping some onions.

Great! Then little Johny runs outside and yells ITS OK! WE CAN PLAY THE GAME AGAIN!

How many quadriplegics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dont know, but youve got to admit that it would probably be fun to watch…

(Q.)What does a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common?

(A.)They both can smell it but cant taste it.

a girl was sitting on a bench at school when some boys came over and told her they would give her $5 if she climbed a tree[she is wearing a dress] she said ok so when she got home she told her mom that some boys paid her $5 to climb atree her mom then says they just want to see your underwear this happens again only they pay her $10 instead of $5 it hapens two more times only it is $15 then $20 so the next day they say they will pay her $25 so she climbs the tree the boys all go WWHHOOAAAA! and they drop $35 instead of$25 she teels her mom and her mom goes they just want to see your underwear she says but they could not have seen my underwear i was not wearing any underwear

Whats brown and sits in the forest?

Winnies Pooh.

if a 12 dick was coming out of your forehead would you see it? no the balls would be covering your eyelids.

Students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
Then the Professor started the class by telling them, In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that it is necessary that you dont get disgusted.

The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked it.

Go ahead and do the same thing, he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people.

How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.